tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29822394815922406272024-03-18T22:07:05.111-07:00Riding Through it All ...Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger282125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2982239481592240627.post-37197610093728769252022-03-28T07:34:00.005-07:002022-03-28T07:34:59.278-07:00Whine whine and whine some more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<div style="text-align: justify;">My brain is still in an overdrive mode. It is crazy how my brain will not stop thinking about work. I used to be able to manage work-life balance really well. But these past few months ever since I got the new role, and with the sheer amount of responsibility and decision that is dumped on me, I feel like I am barely gasping for air. So yeah, that is probably why a few nights ago, I thought of blogging. I can write my thoughts into words any way I want and in any lengthy, dramatic manner I want. I mean, if you see my Facebook, you will know it is now a public page! Yup, you would not have seen it coming right? I post pictures and work-related content. There is barely any trace of my personal life left up there, except for the bits and crumbs of the parts I want to show people. So in other words, I cannot whine! And now that I am living in BMC, away from family and friends, with frenemies all around me, with people I can barely trust, I bottle a lot of things up. But well, I guess that is what grownups do, especially when you are still single as fuck! Right, you would have thought I should be at least dating now? But nope! I mean, I seriously choose sleep over socializing more often than not. And oh yeah, most of my friends are either married or going to be. So they have their own personal space. So do my two brothers and their little families! I am whining, yeah! That is the whole point of blogging, right? I mean, I have ONE reader--shout out to Pheary! So yeah, what was I saying? Oh, overwhelmed with the new role, away from family and friends, single as fuck. My life is pretty much 90% work and 10% sleep! I love my work, you see! But what I do not like about it is how sometimes it invades my personal private weekend time. That is the kinda work I shoulder . I excel at it! Oh wait, not exactly. I mean, it is all new to me, but I am really good at learning it and getting my hands dirty with it. Well, maybe because I have all the time and attention in the world to jump headfirst into it, I get better at it. You know what they say, whatever you focus on expands. So yeah, this has been what I have focused on for the past one and a half year. It is like night and day when it comes to when I first got there and where I am now! The good thing, though, is me realizing that a good night sleep and a walk in the woods or up the mountain can totally flip my view of the whole view! It is that simple, but when it comes rushing in waves towards you, it is almost unbearable. I am handling this big case right now! This is Day 3. Yesterday I came across pieces and bits of some information that proved useful, and yet after I verified them with professionals, it turned out that as much as I had hoped I was right, I was not! So I had to rule out that assumption and start at square one. It was in a moment like this that I beat myself up, and if I could not manage the spiral negative thoughts that take charge, before I know it, I might find myself in the bottom of the pit of hopelessness again. With growth mindset, practice of gratitude, and self-compassion, I manage to keep the stress at bay. But then if I wear myself a little too much, or I get less than 6 hours of sleep the night before, the waves turn into tsunamis in my head! I try not to host my own Pity Party, but when your days are bad, you just cannot help yourself stooping so low, and enjoy the oblivion of it all, being the center of the world, feeling that everyone has something against you, feeling entitled as to "I do not deserve this", letting ego take you by the horns. Anyway, will whine again soon. I cannot stay longer bending over just to type on my computer. That is what 30s do to your back, people!</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2982239481592240627.post-41888002231625009652022-03-26T09:30:00.001-07:002022-03-26T09:30:45.155-07:002022!!!!!!!!!<p>This is just a test to see if people these days still read blogs!!!!! Well, I have to admit I did not see it coming--I did not see myself crawling down this rabbit hole, and now here I am, reading those old posts and comments!!! Can you believe it has been 5 years since that "Dear You" post? My god! And kudos to that sentiment that was felt throughout the post, it was so raw and real. But now that I visited the post, it is amazing how time really healed everything. Reading that post is like walking down an art gallery with supercuts of my life framed nicely on the wall, but the thing is the feeling was gone. It almost felt like reading about someone else, not me. And the comments! My God, I remember how tight the blogger group was! I would always look forward to the juicy part of their posts, and would always come up with something witty to spam the comment section! It is crazy how you just moved long with life and you keep looking forward but the moment you look back, you realize you have come a long long way and have probably lost a few great people along the way. It is even crazier not remembering how you lost them. I guess a lilttle rekindling will go a long way. Well, I am not sure if people who followed this blog will get a notificatiom of this post, but if you do, leave a comment below! </p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2982239481592240627.post-59896392611511523552017-01-11T03:07:00.001-08:002017-01-11T03:07:10.979-08:00Dear You<div style="color: #454545; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; font-size: 12px; line-height: normal;">
Dear you,</div>
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We never started out the way we intended to. We were two strangers. In fact, we were two strange people. Because we were what people would call “weird”, we started talking and before we knew it, we couldn’t stop. We talked and we talked some more. We talked about things as tiny as why yellow lights over green or red to matters as complicated as the world’s politics. The more I talked to you, the more and the harder I fell. You never ceased to amaze me! I was moved by your depth. I fell in love with the deep dark beautiful soul lurking within you, and I kept thinking, “How could anyone think this is too much?” I loved watching your eyes sparkle when you passionately talked about How I Met Your Mother or Taylor Swift or that movie we had just seen. To you, it wasn’t just a tv series, a song or a movie. It always meant more to you the way it did to me. Something a lot of people would never understand. I found that shared understanding in you. The empathy you had for your friends and people in general was admirable. I kept telling you how similar we both were in the way we felt towards the world. I liked how specific you could be about the things you wanted. How you already knew what your craved so that we wouldn’t have to spend time thinking of what to eat. How certain dishes had to be prepared certain ways. How slippers made you feel more vulnerable. How you seemed to know your way around the tiny things around you. I loved how we chose driving to out-of-town places over sitting at one of those crowded coffee shops on weekends. Where we were headed was never our problem. You would normally ask, “Where to?” and I would look at you, smiled, and said, “Does it matter?” And you would just smile and started playing me those songs from your precious playlist. Yeah, it was so precious to you because it was what you called your “lifetime collection”. Then we would engage in this whole analytical process of lyrics interpretation. Your wits and intelligence were outstanding. A three-hour drive was never enough. And I loved how crazy stupid we could sometimes be. We used to go to “the other side” of the river a lot, especially after midnight, when all the buzz of life just died down, and we could have the breathtaking view of the city just to ourselves. We were mean. We never wanted to share that view and that atmosphere with anyone else. People would never understand that. But we did. We dug deep about our families, our fears, our strengths, and the conversation just got better from there. The nights always stood still, and I always seemed to lose myself in the moment, never wanting to go back home. There were times we thought we were haunted by some sort of ghosts. On one chilly night as we were sitting by the river bank, taking everything in, appreciating every tiny bit of it, we heard a girl wailing in the distance. Then we had this crazy idea of investigating who it was or rather, what it was. We walked towards the water, where the voice was originating, and i fell into one of those holes, calf-deep. You freaked out, because I kept saying it was a snake’s hole! And then there was this other night when we saw two horses, one white and another brown, out of nowhere, galloping back and forth. We were convinced we were being haunted by some sort of horse ghosts or some manifestations of ghosts! Even then your mere presence was all that mattered. You knew how to talk to me. You knew how tiny things made major impacts on me. You broke down my wall, and saw me through. After a long time that seemed like forever, I fell in love again …</div>
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There is no way this tiny bit of writing could do us justice. I could write an entire book down to the details, but then it would be too painful for me. So i choose to write the good memories, the ones that live with me, because in the course of time, in 4 months or 1 year, I am sure I will not be able to recall the resentment, the disappointment, or maybe the pain I am feeling right now. I am going to move on with all these good memories with me. I think I have grieved over the loss enough, and I need to look at how much this has enriched my life and taught me lessons. Even in the most beautiful story, there could be heartache and separations. Ours doesn’t last long, but it does impact me. It has changed me. I still see you everywhere. Your smile. Your laugh. Everything reminds me of you. Yellow lights. Songs. Movies. Even the most random things. I weep sometimes, but I am getting better each day. And if there is one thing I learn from my experiences, it has to be the fact that time could heal all sorts of heartaches. So, I am going to give myself time, and I am going to move on with my life. We will meet if our paths intersect again after we both recover from all this. Meanwhile, I am wishing you all the best, and i hope you are doing the same for me.</div>
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Thank you.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2982239481592240627.post-79656913704526733112016-05-30T09:05:00.000-07:002016-05-30T09:05:43.842-07:00Heartbeat<div style="text-align: justify;">
I am placing my right hand on my chest, and I can feel my heart beating underneath the ribs. Heartbeats. Irregular heartbeats. It was an overwhelming week for me. Or weeks. I am being very observing of these parts of my body. The organs. The cells. I am observing how they are responding to this chemical substance that is responsible for the sadness I am feeling. It is strange how fleeting images of certain people--certain scenes from my life--flash right before my eyes. When I am clearly digesting that one single line from the book. When I am concentrating on that heart-wrenching murder scene. When I am distractedly gazing at my shaking hand. I keep feeling my heartbeat. I keep noticing my breathing. Is that how a heartache feels like? </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2982239481592240627.post-73007137642493366212016-04-17T03:28:00.001-07:002016-04-17T03:33:44.261-07:00Jigsaw<div style="text-align: justify;">
My two-day getaway trip just ended, and here I am, all by myself, doing the things I love. I love the fact that Phnom Penh has that laid-back, lazy, holiday-ish mood to it now that people have not returned from their respective destinations. Anyway, I just took great pleasure in reading PM's second post on her private blog, and I was sincerely happy seeing that she made the effort to be active on her second blog (3rd? 4th?). She wrote about friends not having the traits she desired.</div>
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I got over that for quite some time now! And I have come to the realisation that these friends are like missing pieces of the jigsaw. You take one piece from this friend and another from that friend to fit everything together to form a complete jigsaw. The important thing is the knowledge of which friend plays his part best in which scenario. There is a saying that goes, "You can't expect a bird to hold and a hand to fly". It is true in every way! A bird can fly, and a hand can hold. But the roles cannot be swapped. I have learnt I cannot expect a quiet friend who enjoys having deep conversations with me to have as much fun drinking and clubbing the nights away. Neither can I vent out my deep dark secrets on someone who has the attention span of a 5-years-old. We all at one point wish that one friend could do both or more, but friendship-wise, there is no crime more barbaric than trying to change a friend, for your very own sake. However, things have been so much better for me when I have finally figured this out, but now that I start thinking about it, my mind is on something else. A relationship. </div>
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Knowing which friend fits in well with which context and therefore taking actions accordingly is healthy for all parties involved since you know where that line is drawn. But then when it comes down to a relationship, it is probably ten times harder. We are talking about finding that needle in the haystack! How could you possibly find someone who could enjoy clubbing as much as sitting down in a quiet coffee shop on a Saturday afternoon, sipping coffee and just thinking about life? Someone who loves the wet, wild crowd on a New Year's Eve as much as the peace and quiet of the countryside? Someone who loves talking as much as staying silent? How could possibly find <i>that</i> someone?</div>
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They tell us to love an imperfect person perfectly! That rhymes and it sounds beautiful and everything. But then doesn't it come across as something forced and not natural? We do not set out to find that perfect person, but we do hope to find someone who could connect with us on many different levels. We set out, not to find the pieces, but to find the jigsaw! Don't get wrong! I do not spend all this time alone being bitter and thinking about this and everything. But it's just that it amazes me how someone could bump into his "soulmate" despite the billions of people out there. At other times, I have seen people who are the exact opposites fall in love, and it gets me thinking how that is even possible noting that they can barely connect on anything. Is it as if they had to build everything, including their very own traits, from scratch? Or, is it simply because they are just trying too hard to make it work? Or are they simply oblivious to everything I have just mentioned here and just … <i>live</i>?</div>
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Jigsaw, where are you? </div>
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P. S: I am not even trying now. Or possibly EVER.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2982239481592240627.post-68320359773391940892016-03-27T03:00:00.002-07:002016-03-27T03:00:44.898-07:00Empathy … or not?Everyday at work is a behavioural experiment to me. I try new persona and observe and see what work in what situations and what don't.<br />
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I guess I have always been very observing from the start, and I have that empathy that draws me to people with troubling problems! While a lot of people communicate at ease, others find it hard to just lock eyes and strike a conversation. As a teacher, I did tap into that skill of mine, but not to the point where i myself have to try on new persona. </div>
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I know I have a pair of attentive ears! I am that friend who listens to your problems and makes you feel appreciated. But then that was it! At one point I thought that empathy that was built in me was more of a curse than a blessing because of the long history I had with friends. Not until quite recently did I learn that I could put it to use in the work environment as well--though with caution. </div>
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What I do is I prey upon those with vulnerabilities, those with pressing issues, and you know what it is like to be out there fighting on your own, having no one to even try to understand you? I understand that very well! That is where I step in, singling them out one at a time. I can offer to pay for some coffee and all I need to do is to prick that wound a little and there it goes: all the information I wanna know about the other party, something that would otherwise be withheld from me. I know this sounds pretty negative, but knees-deep in the office politics as I am now, I can turn this empathy as a weapon instead. What I have learnt is just because people come to you during their hard time doesn't mean that they trust you or that you are their best ally. It just simply means: they don't have a choice!</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2982239481592240627.post-69581379562743190382016-03-09T08:30:00.002-08:002016-03-09T08:30:56.802-08:00Grieving<div style="text-align: justify;">
Grieving is very important and super healthy. At least, that's how it works for me. That is how I deal with losses, not necessarily only of loved ones, but also of opportunities that I have high hopes for. There is a saying that goes: "Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst". The truth is you can never prepare for the worst! And you can never lower your expectations to the point where you don't get disappointed with the results if they turn out to be different from what you want. However, instead of cutting yourself off from the world to grieve--it could be a day or two or a little longer, some manage to put on a smile and try to convince themselves they are okay because they are prepared EMOTIONALLY even though clearly nobody can prepare feelings for anything. Feelings are not items you can put on the shelf for public display once you are happy or pack them back in the box once your mood swings to the darker thoughts. Admit you feel sad! Admit you feel disappointed! Admit all that! Because the only way you can get a clear head and move on is through your utter honesty with yourself!</div>
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This is where grieving comes in! To me, grieving is the process by which you communicate with your inner thoughts, and in this case, it could be your disappointment, your sadness, your dying hope, your sudden drain of mental energy, or the combination of all. Usually I don't talk to people when I am that messed up in my head because I have tried and most of the time, they have made everything worse--with the best intentions at heart, though. Some would be so angry and would push me to give up and move on. Others would try to show more empathy, which somehow would only put me in a place where I would feel so weak and insecure. So I need to be on my own, just me and my thoughts. </div>
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Because my mental and emotional beings are already at stake, I feel the urge to take care of my physical being first. I would normally start off with the super relaxing two-hour oil massage. Trust me it still feels magical despite how sneaky those disappointing thoughts could once in a while squeeze their way through my head. Then I would eat my favourite food: hot wings! The hotter, the better! The wings are so spicy and good at the same time that I almost feel happy at times as some research says spicy foods create endorphins which are the chemical substances in the brain that boost your mood. A massage and hot wings aren't complete without a good laugh at the cinema! </div>
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Depending how huge your disappointment is, these tricks are only distractions, and yes, they are part of the grieving process! I would normally need to have a conversation with my brain. This is the only way i could have closure with myself and with this issue at hand! I would go to a coffee shop, preferably one with see-through glass panes that overlook beautiful scenery, and in this case, the riverside Gloria Jeans' Coffee Shop. People who have been there clearly know the breathtaking view I am talking about! This kind of scenic beauty sort of gives my thoughts freedom to wander. The last thing I want right there is for my mind to be trapped in an enclosed space. Then I would start reflecting on the whole process of what went wrong. I would ask myself a lot of questions until I get to the point where: Do I give up now or is there more I can give? </div>
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In this case, nope, I am not ready to give up just yet! I think if i haven't failed yet … not until I give up, and I am angry and disappointed and sad, but in a way, I am motivated, and I know what areas I have to work on! I'll give it one more shot! I'd love to see how it goes!</div>
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I'm done grieving! </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2982239481592240627.post-30532939974654813122016-02-04T10:26:00.003-08:002016-02-04T10:26:45.900-08:00That One Book That Impacted Me So Much<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibq9y92Jl5zAUZKpsS208M2eOrDzj-nOj52nJBp8OZrRaMFfWiAz1aspmvPetWFSZEiHMbcP2qDnBbvYKMeRYnIWiFDVJ2weFcP7G7gV9qo4wyCg86VBZ97lvMNwKLHk_F95Zarlue-Ks/s1600/Act+Like+A+Success.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibq9y92Jl5zAUZKpsS208M2eOrDzj-nOj52nJBp8OZrRaMFfWiAz1aspmvPetWFSZEiHMbcP2qDnBbvYKMeRYnIWiFDVJ2weFcP7G7gV9qo4wyCg86VBZ97lvMNwKLHk_F95Zarlue-Ks/s400/Act+Like+A+Success.jpg" width="262" /></a></div>
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Let me get this straight: I am not the self-help-book person! I do not go to a bookstore, hurry to the "Self-Help" Section, glimpse through the covers of the new arrivals on the shelf, and buy one home! At least … not before I read "Act Like a Success, Think Like a Success". </div>
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It was one of those days when I was off the hook from work, and as part of my routine, before watching a movie, I would walk into The Monument Bookstore, just one floor below the cinema. I had no particular book in mind then, but even if I did, I would not be willing to spend money on any when I could get access to plenty of free pirated ebooks (thanks for not judging me). The widely-beaming bald man with super white teeth and in a suit-and-tie fashion was staring straight at me from the cover of a book as I took a few steps closer to the shelf. I had known Steve Harvey ever since I started watching those talk shows, and who wouldn't have when his name was always associated with The Family Feud? Just to kill the time, I decided to flip through a few pages, and began reading. I finished one page after another. And before I knew it, I was standing there for almost an hour, and I was already somewhere halfway through the book. There were moments of adrenaline rushing down my spine as I processed some of the things he wrote. It was no doubt I felt empowered. Motivated. Ready. By far, this had been the ONLY self-help book which impressed me to the point where I knew I had to get it from the shelf! So I bought the book. I even went as far as downloading the audio files so that I could listen to him in the car, and during my bicycle ride. </div>
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Okay! Since I have limited experience reading self-help books, I do not know whether other books of the same genre could possibly have that kind of impact that this book has had on me. I would really love to recommend this book to anyone who is at this point in life who feels you are tired with your own routines and you sort of feel you are going in circles. If you are that person, then you might wanna give it a try. But then if you are not at that stage yet, maybe just give it a pass!</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2982239481592240627.post-58998899715274086562016-01-21T01:54:00.001-08:002016-01-21T01:54:49.002-08:00WHY I AM STILL SINGLE<div style="text-align: justify;">
I am turning 28 in three weeks, and I am still single. I am sure you can probably imagine the growing frustration at every dinner table during my catch-up reunion dinners. When a lot of your friends are either married or--at the very least, dating, and you are neither, they probe you like you are some sort of an interesting subject of a life science experiment. They start putting you on the spot and scrutinising you as if there was something quite dangerously wrong about you. At first, I attempt to open up and walk them through the reasons why I am not dating, not that I do not have a chance. But the funny thing is no matter how truthful you are willing to be with them, they still refuse to digest the reasons, and prefer to stick to their own skepticisms. After a while, I just give up on the explanations.</div>
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I am dedicating this post to those friends and acquaintances of mine who genuinely want to find out why I am still single. Should this discussion pop up at any dinner tables in the near future, I will just refer them to this blog post. It is important that you TRUST me, or else, do not even bother reading the rest of the entry.</div>
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WHY I AM STILL SINGLE:</div>
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1. <b>Multiple dates</b>, <b>similar cycles</b>. Let me get one thing straight! I have tons of dates! Because I have so much experience dating around, I realise there is a similar pattern to every dating process. While the process is fun and exciting at first, after a while, I get to the point where I go, "Ahhhhh! She isn't right for me!" Don't judge me just yet! I am not a player! I always start every date with a serious intention! There has got to be some sort of chemistry before I start, but as much as I love it to blossom into something beautiful, it does not end that way. With a lot of those girls, I still remain friends with them, though.</div>
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2. <b>Heart breaks</b>. If I have to name one thing that has changed me into the person I am today, it has to be that last relationship. I liked this girl. I chased after her for two years. I finally confessed, but I got rejected. I kept a good distance from her. After a while, we got to hang out again along with other friends. I confessed again because I was not ready to let go. I got rejected again. We lost touch for a while. One day, a friend of hers told me she liked me. I was confused. Mad confused. But again, I was not ready to let go. I asked her again. This time she said she was not sure. So somehow we got into this so-called "three-month-trial" relationship. Things were pretty at first. After a while, even before the deadline, I was sure she was not into me. So we broke up. I spent roughly three years with this girl. Now we are not in touch anymore. I do not see the reasons why we need to be. It is best for us. It is best for me. It was a living hell for me, at first. But because of this relationship, I learnt so much. </div>
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3. <b>Different person</b>. A lot of people raise their eyebrows in scepticism when I give them relationship advice because I am single. What they do not know is I am probably one of the few people they know who has dated so much, reflected so much about dating, tried so much, and given up so much too. So if anything, I am definitely qualified enough. Thanks to all of the experiences, I have become a better person. I do not see the relationship the same way, with so much heart invested. I am more logical. </div>
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4. <b>Different focus</b>. I am at this point in my life where I focus so much on building myself: my career and my business. I have never been so full of myself before. Because every decision I make, and every effort I put in involves leading up towards my goals, anything else such as a relationship is a distraction. I have witnessed how much commitment and effort some of my friends put into maintaining their relationship, and it exhausts me!</div>
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5. <b>Miss Right not found</b>. Even my definition of "Miss Right" has changed over the years. I can only date someone who understands me. Yup. It might sound like a cliche but it is very fundamental to my relationship if i am going to be engaged in one. She has to understand I am no longer that man who chases after her, who pleases her, and who cares so much about what she is up to. I need my space, and my time for working towards my goals. That is to say, if she seeks too much of my attention, I gotta say goodbye to her. She has to be mature in the sense that she gotta have goals of her own, and knows how to get there. That way, she is busy pursuing hers too, and that way she does not feel I am the only one doing something about my life. Also, I find that kind of girl very attractive. </div>
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Okay, now you know why! I would be lying if I told you I had never had second thoughts about the whole relationship thing. But I am glad my senses win me over. Besides, I have never been so happy being single in my life like right now. I feel the drive to pursue what I want to do with my future, and the last thing I want to have is a bad relationship that sucks me back into that sink hole!</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2982239481592240627.post-58528605172910221792016-01-20T11:05:00.000-08:002016-01-20T11:12:38.094-08:00Gaara Sand<div style="text-align: justify;">
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I am here today because i just finished reading Gaara's latest post, and as ALWAYS, the sadness and nostalgia are splashed all over. But if there is one thing I can take away from the entry, it has to be the fact that he has always been around here, on the other side of the fence of the writing world. The lengthy, more detailed, but less popular side. Without his dedication and commitment for blogging, I might have given up on blogging too. Yup! You heard me right--though I hate to give him credits for that! Anyways, every time before I blog, I always read his posts. Now imagine having nothing to read EVER from him--no matter how lame he can sometimes get! So yeah, I owe a great deal to him for being that source of blogging inspiration he has always been since Day 1. Because of this, I would like to WASTE this particular entry on him: The Gaara Sand!</div>
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Flashing back to 2004, I met this guy! He was a nerd from head to toe. Everything about him screamed "NERD". His glasses. His hairstyle. His shoes. His backpack. Even his way of carrying himself around. You see, I was, too, but cooler! We happened to be in the same class at IFL--not that I could have a choice, and as much as my memory could serve me right, we were not close. Not then. Not now. But we were both huge fans of Harry Potter, and that was probably why I gave him a chance and talked to him in the first place. But let me get one thing straight: between the two of us, I was the smarter one. I OUTPERFORMED him in the class. After one particular grammar practice test, he approached me, to my surprise, but instead of being all nice and friendly, he challenged me to see who would get a better score from the test. The winner would get treated to a bottle of Coke at the school canteen. Well, as you could have, by now, guessed, it was NONE other than me and myself who scored higher than he did! While I took great pleasure in witnessing his sour face as a result of his defeats, this academic rivalry between us did not last long, though, since he left for Malaysia after his freshman year.<br />
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Facebook was not a thing back then. Even if it had been, he would not have been the Facebook type either. The only little string of connection we had was this platform: blogging. Given my passion for writing, blogging served my purpose. Also, it was that period of time when a lot of my close friends were active bloggers. I remembered having so much fun reading and commenting and posting entries. But then Facebook came along … one by one, my friends started giving up on blogging EXCEPT Gaara Sand. I got to admit that I, too, became less active as life and Facebook got in the way. So did Skype and other social network sites. However, the problem with Facebook was the limited number of words it allowed and therefore, it was in no way sufficient for all the lengthy and intricate thoughts that winded up their way in my head. So blogging was my last resort I turned to when I felt the need to pour down my thoughts.<br />
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Because Gaara was such a dedicated blogger, I got to know him on a deep and personal level. I learnt about his hobbies, his friends, his days, his dreams, and his insecurities. I guess he did learn about me too. I think we have had this level of understanding about each other even some of my close friends and I don't! It is probably because we are very open about our feelings in written forms, and not so much when it comes to speaking. As bookworms and movie geeks, we had the kind of conversations that I did not get to have with my close friends, and because he managed to fill up that space in my life, I always felt great talking to him in that regard. And if there was one thing I would never forget about him, it had to be the fact that he always gave me that little push in the whole authorship direction. In fact, he was the only person, out of my friends, who believed i could actually write a book and get it published! So for that, I thank him!<br />
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We both were emotional humans! On a scale from 1 to 10, with 1 being the least emotional and 10 being the most, I was 9 and he was 7. But then I went through a lot of things. So did he. Now, if you ask me to rate ourselves on the scale again, I would say I am 5 and he is 8. Yup! Or maybe he has always been 8, but it is just that quite recently he has been very vocal about his emotions. Do I feel happy about it? Nope! I know exactly how it feels like to be fighting for your way through that dark tunnel alone. I was lost. I was confused. I was broken. So if anything, I want happier posts from him, Genuine, happy posts. If I had any rights to say anything about his choices, I would say: he needs to get out of his comfort zone. This is where every dark thought is born and grows.<br />
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Good luck, Gaara Sand!</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2982239481592240627.post-25888278361809932382015-09-25T09:48:00.001-07:002015-09-25T09:48:52.224-07:00Youta--The Great Sun<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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People say life is a miracle, and yes, this little young man is a living miracle. His name is KONG Youta. "Youta" is a Japanese word meaning "great sunlight/sun", and I can proudly say I am the uncle who came up with this name for him. Uncle, yes. I am officially an uncle. Anyway, he was born on the 13th of September, 2015 at Bumrungrad Hospital when the clock struck 10:28AM. He has brought so much joy to both families though we might handle his birth differently.</div>
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Never a day has passed without my parents constantly demanding to see their grandchild. Even though they don't sometimes get to see him in person, they still constantly ask for his pictures from my brother, the father of the child, through LINE since we have a LINE family group. For the time-being, every decision made in the family concerns Youta since we all want to make sure he gets the best upbringing. Watching how my parents have been handling the whole we-are-the-grandparents-now situation melts my heart. It opens my eyes more to the inexhaustible amount of love they have showered us with. </div>
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My brother and sis-in-law are apparently worn out now from the lack of sleep after two weeks of welcoming the young Youta to the world. But from observation, there is so much joy and love hanging in the air between the tiny little family consisting of my brother, sis-in-law, and Youta. Now they are complete! Dreams, goals, jobs and a lot of other important aspects of their lives are on hold. It is amazing how huge an impact a child as little as Youta can bring out in their lives. I can't be more happy for them.</div>
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Me? I love my nephew! I have to admit before his birth I never thought i would be able to love a baby as much as I do love my nephew now. I mean, babies are cute and all, but to have the feeling of wanting to see the baby smile, or to experience the pain when seeing the baby cries the way Youta is alien to me, and I love feeling it that way. I like to watch him sleep. In fact, I can watch him sleep for hours. It is just indeed a miracle of life, and maybe I love him loads because I love my brother very much too? I love how he looks at me when i call his name. His eyes are beautiful. I can't help but wonder what kind of thoughts he could possibly be having at two-week-old. </div>
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Hopefully, when Youta grows up and knows better English than his uncle, he will be able to read his post some time.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2982239481592240627.post-10054889688175599142015-09-03T04:07:00.000-07:002015-09-03T04:13:54.683-07:00Ambivert<div style="text-align: justify;">
Yup, I am going down with flu again for the hundredth time--or more, all thanks to biking in the rain for two days in a row. I don't regret one bit, though. I enjoyed every minute of the ride! Anyways, because I am sick, a close friend of mine called me up to steam it all off and probably get some massage, but I turned him down. Okay, this is the thing about me: I am an ambivert!</div>
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I have come across quite a number of articles about ambiverts and have even taken some online personality quizzes to see if I really fit into that category. And yes, I do! You see, there aren't just two ends of a continuum: black and white, good and bad, happy and sad, introvert and extrovert. Life would be so much easier with just two categories. So I fall into the third category: the ambivert. I am an introvert and an extrovert on different occasions. I am super sociable when I know I need to build up networks with people in the same career field, but I also enjoy the luxury that doing things solo has to offer. I sometimes like being in a group discussion, sharing and listening. But sometimes I just don't wanna talk at all, not even to the closest people I know. It feels like I can be so socially active at one moment, and the next when my battery runs out, I lock myself up in solitude and just … recharge. The research shows that there is a high likelihood for ambiverts people to succeed because they really know how to communicate well, not too much and apparently not too little, making their interpersonal skills very admirable. </div>
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To be honest, I always go around, babbling about how much of an introvert I am on the inside, but surprisingly, a lot of my friends think I am an extrovert. But now it all makes sense! I am the gray version of the black and white. And going back to my friend's case! I can tell he sometimes doesn't understand the hot-and-cold switch inside me. I could be loud and chatty when I'm all charged up. But during a moment like this when I'm sick and tired, I just wanna be on my own, doing my things, without having to talk. Given his chatty nature, he can't be still for five minutes. If we don't talk for five minutes, he thinks something is not right, and therefore, he comes up with all sorts of topics to get me involved. My usual self with lots of energy wouldn't mind, but on a day like this, the idea of it all already exhausts me. I remember telling him how i want some quality time by myself, and that whole concept of watching movies alone doesn't make any sense to him in his world. </div>
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So yeah, you guys know me! I am in between, and being in between is awesome! It's like getting the best from both worlds!</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2982239481592240627.post-67817564832853436422015-08-17T09:47:00.001-07:002015-08-17T09:47:32.095-07:00One Fine Day<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2982239481592240627.post-23286502125556596232015-08-06T12:22:00.001-07:002015-08-06T12:22:55.760-07:00That Other Part of MeWell, in case you haven't noticed, I am actually a government official. Yes, a government official who dreams of owning a pub! Forget about the pub for the time being, though, since this post revolves around my life as a civil servant!<br />
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I guess this is probably the first time I open up about that part of my life here. As much as I love the creative side of me that running a pub will feed on, I am deeply rooted in the government background, having the bloodlines working as important people in the government. At one point in my life, I thought being a university lecturer with easy money and less pressure would be able to compensate for the career path down the government-ish lane. It took me about five years of dragging myself to classes every morning and sleeping past midnight because of the papers i had to grade before i was struck with the realisation that I couldn't take the easy way out. I just wasn't meant for that. I was born to be more. I guess people just at one point in their life have that so-called "calling", and yes, that was it! </div>
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So here I am, working in the General Department of Immigration. Anyone in the right mind would be able to tell it is not easy for me to adapt to the politics of the system. The ass-wiping culture. The corruption. The stinky teamwork spirit. And the list goes on. The sensitive Vendy from three years ago wouldn't have lasted a month in the system, but with this inexhaustible positivity I have been having, I have managed to gain my momentum pretty quickly, and before I knew it, I have become almost everyone's favourite boss. Yes, boss! Technically, I am a Deputy, and it's a "shame" to admit I have powers over my subordinates. What sets me apart from the Head (the biggest boss) is my attitude at work. I don't just sit at the desk, ordering people to do works that they already know too well, pretending I know more than they do. I pretty much do almost everything I can without judging whether the tasks would be more fitting for this subordinate or that. I could proudly say I amount to the combined work force of three people. This culminates in some mental comparison between the biggest boss and me that they do, and obviously, they like someone who does the actual quality works and helps them out with their own tasks--me. </div>
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You see, I am the youngest at work, the only single guy, and the most polite (I know it sounds so much like I'm sugarcoating everything). They, on the other hand, are in their 40s with children and diseases. They are lazy. They are sleepy. They are not motivated. And they mostly enjoy small talks, which center around sex. This could possibly sound like anybody's nightmare! But again, the positivity in my head shields me from being infected in this environment, and obviously reminds me of the sole reason why I am here in the first place. I WANT TO BE THE HEAD. </div>
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Say hello to the ambitious Vendy! Yes, I have to admit that I am an ambitious person. Remember the story between the two foxes living inside the body of a human? The question is: which of the two wins, the bad or the good? The answer is: whichever fox you feed more will win. I guess what I am trying to say is over the past 5 years as a lecturer, that ambitious fox inside me is skinny and starved, while the two foxes--one chasing after love and the other clinging onto friends--take over. I cared TOO much about love and friendship, and neglected the pursuit of my ambition. Now that I neither have love or friendship (I still have a few true, super awesome friends), I feed the ambitious fox. This explains the idea behind the pub, and this desire to be the head. </div>
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Admittedly and shamefully, I have strong and great networks at work. I know some of you might cringe at this knowledge, but in my defence, i'm pretty sure people would do the same or worse if they were in my my shoes. Between the position that I desire and me stand two people who decide my fate, both of whom are related to me. Are you appalled right now? I know it sounds ridiculous, but here is the plot twist: I have no idea whether they would be willing to promote me despite my hard work and everything, for fear rumours about nepotism and about my age would spread around like wild fire. Now you probably understand why I have to win the hearts of those subordinates! I want them to feel that I deserve it, and I indeed have what it takes to be a greater leader despite my age!</div>
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I feel compelled to let everything out here because I wanna get rid of that fear of rejection in my head. I am planning to take the plunge after the 8th of August. And for those of you who are friends with me on Facebook, you know I am such a believer of Fenghui, and according to the Fengshui, August is my lucky charm. I am going to pluck up my courage, lay it all out, and get it done. Whatever happens after that is totally out of my control. I am hoping for the very best, but also preparing for the worst. Wish me luck, peeps!</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2982239481592240627.post-66829675762098668852015-07-13T13:40:00.001-07:002015-07-13T13:40:29.155-07:00A Dream on the Brink of Becoming a Reality<div style="text-align: justify;">
I cannot fall asleep again! Well, in fact, there is no need for me to complain here since i pretty much sleep only after 3AM! Anyways, I am not here to go on and on about my sleep patterns. I am here to talk about my pub!</div>
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I remember mentioning my interest in running a pub here, and well so far, though nothing has materialised yet, we pretty much are on the right track. We have managed to sort of decide on the favourable location. It's true that no leasing contract has been signed yet, but I've already talked to the potential owner of the small villa we wanted to rent and she seemed pretty understanding. Also, we finally reached the consensus about the concept of the pub. However, it is not wise to disclose the information about the concept of the pub here. The meetings we have had so far undoubtedly bear fruitful results. We are getting more confident each day now. The only big concern we are having now is the operation management of the pub since it's daunting. We have read quite a lot about the operation itself, and the truth is the more we read, the more we realise that there is much more to the management than meets the eyes! But I cannot thank people around me enough for their support and assistance. We are meeting up with the owner of Brewhouse this coming Friday to ask him about his management skills, thanks to Mina for her network. Then of course, we have Gech, who is willing to step forward and be our designer when she comes back from the UK, not to mention Nyta who will help out with designing the logo of the pub. And of course there are so many other friends who couldn't be any more helpful! </div>
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The whole idea of running a pub was just a dream, and now look at how the dream is evolving! But yeah, if there is one thing I've learnt from this back-breaking process, it has to be the fact that we need a great amount of passion to be able to break down walls and move mountains. The more I am involved in it, the more I am inspired to make it happen. There is no doubt success is not guaranteed but for better or for worse, there are many valuable lessons that I've learnt from the whole process and that I will learn along the way.</div>
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I haven't told my family yet, though. I wanna get better prepared and wow them with my empirical research--i mean, at the end of the day, I would need investments from them too.</div>
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Wish me luck! I don't know when I am going to update this blog again. Who knows? Maybe the next time I write something here, I might already be an owner of a pub!</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2982239481592240627.post-4154851397707322152015-04-08T03:37:00.000-07:002015-04-08T03:37:09.940-07:00Comfort Zone<div style="text-align: justify;">
Life has been good to me. At least, that's how I choose to see it! Every challenge that presents itself to me is seen as another milestone towards my goals. They say we all should step out of our comfort zone because nothing ever grows there. How about we keep on EXPANDING our comfort zone instead? Well, I think that's what I have been doing lately. As far as I'm concerned, nobody is thrown into this world with his comfort zone being the size of the combined continents. In fact, we probably trust very few people at first--our parents, but as we grow up, we trust more people: siblings, lovers, friends and the like. My point is the comfort zone isn't unchanging! It changes over time! The only difference is probably the rate of the change itself, which apparently varies among individuals. So, I think it is not so much about stepping IN and OUT of the comfort zone because this implies that the comfort zone stays the same, but about EXPANDING the zone instead. We eat things we don't like. We talk to people who are not the typical people we normally have a conversation with. We do things that we thought we wouldn't in a million years. I am positive we are going to be surprised at how comfortable we will become with a lot of things and people eventually. To me, that is how i define growth! I mean, obviously, it is so much more convenient to curl up on your soft mattress watching American Idol on weekends than joining an alumni party where you meet new faces by just telling yourself, "Nahhhh, maybe next time! It is not my thing!" For the first time, the latter might torture you but just remember that staying at home being comfortable in your own skin doesn't help you with your career advancement. Yes! You watch movies and you hear those inspirational speakers talk. And you probably learn the same thing from them: be comfortable in your own skin. But do not forget that we are living in this wicked sophisticated world where being who you are ALL THE TIME isn't enough! Having said all this, expanding my comfort zone is new to me too, but i understand how important it is to me personally, and professionally. I remember a saying that has been stuck with me that goes like this: "Stretch by 1% each day, and before you know it, you will have come a long way."</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2982239481592240627.post-71202216367403168072015-02-05T12:59:00.001-08:002015-02-05T12:59:51.179-08:00InsomniaIt is almost 4 AM in the morning, yet I am wide awake and … naked. Well, i guess the "naked" part is not so relevant (or is it?).<br />
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My sleep pattern has been screwed! I sleep at 5 AM almost every day now, and that sucks because when I wake up, I always feel like a zombie. And to keep myself awake, i drink loads and loads of coffee, and as a result, when the hustle and bustle of life dies down after 12 AM every night, my brain is just as hyperactive as it is during the daytime. </div>
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Every time I shut my eyes, forcing myself to sleep, random images pop into my head. The damaged ruins of the TransAsia plane. The mummified monk in an awkward, supposedly "meditating" siting position. The Japanese man in the yellow prisoner outfit kneeling next to the terrorist dressed as the black ninja assassin. </div>
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Nope, it has nothing to do with some sort of worries weighing heavily on me. I have been happy and hopeful with my life recently. I am filled with positivity to the brims, and therefore, there is no room for negativity. This probably explains why I haven't updated my blog for a while.</div>
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I guess the biggest problem I'm having right now is not the typical emotional thing. It is this freaking insomnia!</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2982239481592240627.post-73996084698412058372014-12-16T05:48:00.001-08:002014-12-16T05:48:23.564-08:00Aspirations <div style="text-align: justify;">
There is no doubt that I have been spending a lot of time on my own these days. Yes, I used to be all sad and rush into the whole I-hate-my-life self-pity. But as I aged, and as positivity stepped into my life, I realised that being alone deserves being credited for as much as being surrounded by good companies. It is just a matter of the angle from which you are seeing the situation, you see! Anyway, one of the good things is definitely the rare opportunity that you get to explore yourself even more. Usually, people we hang out with--whether you are aware of it or not, or whether you like it or not--influence you in many ways. The way you think is, therefore, affected, and a lot of good new fresh ideas that pop up in your head are usually compromised to serve the best interests of the entire clique. However, after some time of being literally detached yourself from the people you used to hold dear and near, you are able to sit down and spend a lot of time to get to know yourself even better: your likes and dislikes, your inspirations, your aspirations, and the list goes on. A lot of people take a look at me, and they get into the whole dramatic mood, expressing concern and sadness over my solitude, but the truth is that they have no idea how much freedom I am actually having, and that for the first time in a long time, I have known myself so well. </div>
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The following are the aspirations that I have, and that I hope to fulfil--as a result of the journey of self-discovery:</div>
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-Publishing a book: I know that this has always been a dream, and I am just two stories away from having a complete compilation. Following the book publication, I would love to host a number of workshops on creative writing, aiming to give insights to university students who have the flair for novel writing so that they can be inspired and they too can take it to the next level and start publishing their own works. Of course, I am going to start from IFL, and I will see how well it will be received!</div>
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-Owning a pub: Yes, a pub! A pub born out of my creativity and passion and commitment! I have already talked about this in my previous post. </div>
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-Owning a Wedding Planner Company/Agency: My passion for this dated back way way before my brother's wedding. Again, with this, I think I can pour out my creativity, and turn someone's wedding into a day even more memorable than it already is. The thing I have noticed over the years with the weddings is that they do not really go outside the box with all the preparations.</div>
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-Owning a boutique hotel: This has something to do with the hospitality field. And this project is going to be scheduled a bit further away than the rest mentioned here because first, I need enough money, and second, I need to learn more about the hospitality business before I can venture into this, and hopefully, my pub business can pave the way. Phnom Penh is not going to be the targeted place. </div>
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-My government thing? Well i would like to keep it as a secret. </div>
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Okay, I believe that people grow and evolve, and as I grow older and more experienced in the business field, I may probably wanna embark on other projects as well. I think people should dream. These dreams make waking up each day meaningful and keep you on the right track! </div>
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What are yours?</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2982239481592240627.post-9945399361820111782014-12-11T09:02:00.000-08:002014-12-11T09:02:04.569-08:00BusinessBeing in your 20s, especially your late 20s, after you have graduated from your college for 5 or 6 years, career-wise, you are still in the middle of nowhere. Even if you are unfortunate enough to land with the kind of job that you love at your dream workplace, it is likely that 5 or 6 years is enough to put you in a position where you feel that you have outgrown what you have been doing for the past 5 or 6 years.<br />
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Likewise, in my case, I am at a point in life where I feel I have passion for business. I know it might come across as "wildly random" for some people who have never got to know me well, but deep down I think I have the brain for business! The prospect of the high level of creativity it allows excites me! And i am the kind of person who loves to be one step ahead of others in terms of creativity, who thinks outside the box. </div>
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And yes, because I have started my work as a government official for some time now, i start to realise how little room there is for creativity when it comes to dealing with "government tasks". Will I give it up? Nope, I won't! But I have to look for other means to sustain the creative side of mine.</div>
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This leads to my intention to open up a pub in town! Right! I have talked to a few friends of mine who share similar passion and interest, and we have brainstormed pretty much the basic concept of what we want our pub to be like. Despite the fact that pubs are mushrooming all over the city, there is nothing like ours (and yes, I can't disclose the key concept here). We want to set ours apart from the existing one. I mean, there is no point opening up a pub just to follow the trend. We open the pub and we set the trend!</div>
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Just thinking about the possibility of owning a pub where I could put my own effort and creativity psyches me! Of course, we do not wish to go big as a start-up! Also, we do not want to venture into this business without being much prepared. So, we would like to give ourselves 1 and a half to two years before anything materialises. I know that business is risky, but we would like to take this risk!</div>
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I hope everything will go well!</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2982239481592240627.post-57203042173629973312014-11-27T22:50:00.001-08:002014-11-27T22:50:27.815-08:00The HeadSuddenly it feels like i'm being back at one again!<br />
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I'm talking about the whole pieces of business and career ideas that are randomly floating around in my head. Well, it is not that i am not sure about what i'm doing, but the problem with me is if i keep doing something, i am a workaholic! That is to say, I am crazy into it! But … the moment something happens that interrupts the flow, it sends me back into the whole dreamy lazy state. Yes, it has been 10 days since the wedding, yet things haven't fallen back into place on my part yet--the mental part! I don't know … I just can't focus and drag myself back to work. Apparently I have been on leave for 10 days now (how ridiculous!), and yes, i do need the transition for my part too. I know it sounds absurd since I am not the one getting married and having to start a new chapter of married life! But still, I need some time to clear my head.<br />
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Anyways, I'd like to share this lovely photo. Love it so much!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5PZV27A_B2bC6e8tVKiodocAvC5GgmZ-rweiDMWa3KH7MQF6FYWhyqnjDQ3CsTsw4OWeHO_jSbIf18Rhz3tBeuc_qA5M3F_H9PW1QMM3uL7ZjUQbxiuAWLBkmIr880Z7cL-OI9OafN0k/s1600/20699_10203239614214556_1189119316915708692_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5PZV27A_B2bC6e8tVKiodocAvC5GgmZ-rweiDMWa3KH7MQF6FYWhyqnjDQ3CsTsw4OWeHO_jSbIf18Rhz3tBeuc_qA5M3F_H9PW1QMM3uL7ZjUQbxiuAWLBkmIr880Z7cL-OI9OafN0k/s1600/20699_10203239614214556_1189119316915708692_n.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2982239481592240627.post-35787131409874705092014-11-24T04:47:00.000-08:002014-11-24T04:47:00.998-08:00The Wedding and What FollowsSo … my brother finally stripped himself off the single status he had been carrying around for 32 years. To say that he was lucky to be able to tie the knot with my sister-in-law was an understatement! What a perfect match they made! I couldn't be happier for him! <div>
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The wedding they hosted was beautiful and amazing. Well, I don't mean to take credits for making everything go according to the plan, but as far as everyone is concerned, I managed the whole thing. Yes! You heard me right! There were times along the way when I was really on the verge of losing it, but I managed to pull myself together and kept reminding myself that I did it all for my brother and my sister-in-law … out of love!</div>
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The strange thing is how I felt after the wedding was over! I don't know whether any of you have felt this way, but right now I am kinda feeling a little lost and disoriented. I used to feel that way when I lost a few close friends and my dates. I know all my brother was to move in with his wife to his wife's house, but I couldn't help but sensed the emptiness somehow. It's not that he won't visit. But still … this is probably because of how close we had always been as brothers, and I had always been pretty much attached to him. I sorta feel embarrassed to even think of sharing all this with my friends. They will just probably think I am making a hill out of a small mole or something. The truth is my parents are the most affected! Mum is more quiet, and yes, she keeps saying she is still worn out from all the wedding fuss. but deep down, I know she misses her son. So does my dad--though he tries to act tough.</div>
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I just don't know whether we ever get to be accustomed to the way things are at home in the absence of my brother. But hopefully whatever it is exactly we are feeling, which weighs quite heavily on our heart, will wear off soon, so that we can get on with our lives!</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2982239481592240627.post-86731830134340290362014-09-29T00:07:00.001-07:002014-09-29T00:13:34.647-07:00PhobiaLet's talk about phobias! Yes, phobias! I believe everyone has phobias! I do too, but I am not sure whether it is just me or there are actually some others out there who have the phobias I am going to talk about too!<br />
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Height? Insects? Defeat?<br />
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Nahhhh … not really! I mean, admit it, everyone is afraid of height! Don't you dare tell me you are not! I think everyone is scared of height. I mean, who wouldn't? Just imagine standing on a glass floor of a glass cable car 200 meters above the sea level!!! It scares the poop out of you, i'm sure! And then we have those who are scared of insects? And when I ask them why, they start trying so hard to make insects look scary by talking about how those tiny wiggling things have the ability to squeeze their way through the ear holes!!! Well, to be honest, I am NOT scared of insects!! And admittedly, I find it ridiculous, but well I try not to judge them because it is phobia we are talking about here--it can be stupid and ridiculous, yet it is scary to some. Ok, so what about defeat? Does the prospect of failing or losing something I have been working so hard for scares me? Yes, it does! But living in this world where everyone fails at one thing or another, I have learnt to make peace with defeat. I know at one point i will fail or I already have at something, but instead of seeing it as a scar for life, I view it as a lesson learnt! Yes! A lesson! And I move on from it and live my life because I think just because I fail to get something I desire at one point doesn't define me as a loser unless I give it all up. In fact, you can say whether someone fails or succeeds only at his funeral when you are listening to or reading the eulogy. But even then, it really depends on what area of life we are talking about!</div>
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Anyway, the phobia I am going to talk about today is none of the above. It somehow sounds crazy, but it is my phobia!</div>
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Ringing phone! Yes! I know some of you go, "Seriously? A phone? A ringing phone?" Exactly! A ringing phone! Let me explain.</div>
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People who are close to me and therefore know me better can tell you that I love texting. There are times they call me yet I do not pick the calls, and instead text them back. They come up with all sorts of reasons why calling is a lot easier, yet I still find texting a lot more convenient. Isn't it crazy? I have tried to ask myself why, and I think mostly it has something to do with the fact that I am better at writing than speaking? Because when I talk on the phone, of course, I have to think about topics first before I get to the point. Weather. Well-being. The cliche Hey-how-are-you-? question. When texting, we can just cut to the chase, and say exactly what we want. Also, sometimes there are strange numbers! I hate strange numbers! They keep calling and calling despite my attempt to ignore the calls because I have no idea who it is talking on the other side. And what really annoys me is that they won't stop calling! I mean, isn't it common sense that you text the person after he does not pick up the calls? Because I rarely call strange numbers back and because they do not leave text messages after the missed calls, some information is lost. </div>
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I know it sounds psychotic! But it is my phobia! And when we talk about phobias, we most of the time are not able to explain them.</div>
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Do you think I am a psycho or something?</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2982239481592240627.post-77899839365984102262014-08-25T02:45:00.001-07:002014-08-25T02:50:57.460-07:00Are you a HATER?<div style="text-align: justify;">
Imagine you are snatched from your dreamland and back into the reality by the most nerve-wracking noise in the world: the alarm clock. You curse the alarm under your breath. You toss and turn a bit in your bed. You stretch your body. Then you extend your arm to reach for your phone, which has apparently been asleep by your side the whole night as well. You scroll here and here, and when you see "Facebook", you give the icon a gentle touch with your index finger. It is just a matter of seconds before your entire phone screen is engulfed by people's statuses, pictures, and videos. You have no idea what you are looking for exactly, but you just keep on scrolling down. At this point, what greet your heavy puppy eyes in the morning are: a very personal status of an old-time high school friend who describes how much she is missing her ex, a video clip of a sassy-looking contestant on The Voice Cambodia, and an "Ice Bucket Challenge" video in which a girl in her pyjamas pours a bucket of iced water over her head in response to the challenge put forth by her best friend. </div>
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The question is: how will you react to the status, and the two videos?</div>
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The question could be instrumental in figuring out whether or not you are a HATER!</div>
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As far as I am concerned, a number of people tend to subconsciously put negative labels on people and things by basing on their perceived standard norms, which define what is normal and what is desired. As a result, chances are these people love to <i>criticise</i> rather than <i>critique</i>. Also, they retreat into very comfortable assumption that if anything or anybody is <i>perceived </i>to be "weird", there is nothing positive worth mentioning. The truth is they need to embrace differences and learn to accept the differences! Just because people do or say things contrary to their expectations does not necessarily imply the negativity on the part of those people or things. As a matter of fact, I believe there is always a lesson that can be learnt from everyone, no matter how "weird" they are. </div>
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The moment you start updating a status about your personal thoughts or heart-felt experiences, some people will just emerge out of nowhere and stick a label to your forehead: "DRAMATIC". Just because they do not undergo the same experience or have the same way of expressing their thoughts does not make updating personal emotional statuses awful in any ways. They should learn to accept and embrace the fact that their way of dealing with their emotions is not any better. The same goes to people who are negatively critical about The Voice Cambodia. First, it is an international franchise, and therefore along with the licensed TV show comes expectations from the pioneer producers. Second, the fact that the coaches get a little playful with the contestants and a little vocal about trying to have the desired contestants on their team does not make the show or the judges bad. Yes, almost anything about The Voice Cambodia is different from what we normally see on TV: uptight, cold, and old judges; lack of encouraging physical contacts with the contestants in the form of a handshake or a hug; and very boring MCs. It is time they learnt to be more open, or Cambodians in general will be far behind because the first thing we do is to say "NO" to the slightest alteration or change. Then it brings me to the whole talk about "The Ice Bucket Challenge"! I believe there is nothing bad in accepting it as long as you know clearly what it is for or you feel genuine in doing it for a good cause. I was told by a friend that she would never accept the challenge because "it was too mainstream". It got me thinking, "What is wrong with being too mainstream? Does this whole mainstream idea have anything to do with making the speaker any less awesome?</div>
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It frustrates me when I am surrounded by a lot of people who react very quickly to new changes just because they are not familiar with them. All I am asking for is for them to be more open to new changes, embrace them, critique if they have to--but don't criticise, and learn to see the good in everything they label as "bad" or "weird".</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2982239481592240627.post-50235148648946803252014-08-08T11:11:00.003-07:002014-08-08T11:11:47.780-07:00The Movie~entirely fictional"Can I have F15, please?" I pointed at the tiny screen displaying the seats for "The Ugly Ghost", which would be screened at 7: 50 PM.<br />
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"Just one seat, sir?" The beautiful, pink-bloused counter lady with the ponytail beamed widely.<br />
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"Yes, just one! This new place is pretty quiet, isn't it? Apparently, I might be the only one watching this movie at 7: 50PM." I attempted to be a little bit more friendly, strangely feeling sorry for her. After all this place looked almost deserted, and for someone as stunning as she was, with her oval-shaped face, her black silky hair that was tied at the back into a ponytail, and a smile that could virtually melt your heart, it was undeniable that she belonged to a more decent place worthy of being more frequently visited by enthusiastic movie goers.</div>
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"Just watch out! It's Pchum Ben, after all! You never know what is in store for you ... in addition to the movie, sir!" She smiled again. My knees almost turned to jelly. </div>
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"I can't wait! Just wish me luck, alright!" I smiled. Before she could get any more flirtatious with me, the man in the black suit, holding a walkie-talkie, marched in our direction, his eyes darting to the smiling counter lady, to me--apparently beaming like an idiot, and then back to the lady again.</div>
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Sensing the approaching presence of the man, she quickly typed here and there, and produced a ticket for me.</div>
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"3 Dollars, sir! Enjoy your movie!" She smiled again, and I returned the smile, stole a glance at the man, and walked in the direction of Hall 3.</div>
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After having my ticket inspected at the entrance of Hall 3, I took slow careful steps on the carpeted floor before my eyes could adjust to the darkness that engulfed the entire hall. <i>F15</i>, I reminded myself as I climbed up the steps, cautiously scrutinising the lighted letter at the beginning of each row. Once I found Row F, it was just a matter of seconds before I spotted my assigned seat. I settled down comfortably, swivelling around to see whether there had been any earlier arrivals. However, I was the only one in the hall. Chill ran down my spine and arms, giving me goosebumps. <i>It was just the air con</i>, I reassured myself, letting my thoughts wander off to the lady's joke. <i>Pchum Ben … You never know what is in store for you.</i> I shook the thought off my head.</div>
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The lights of the hall dimmed, and the gigantic canvas screen came into life. First, it was the teaser of Lucy. Then it was Sex Tape. Then … blackout. Dead silence hung over the hall. The only sound I could discern was from my heart that was beating more rapidly than usual. Pitch darkness swallowed up the entire hall. I reached down inside my right pocket for my phone as the source of light, but I found nothing except for some pieces of paper, which I assumed were the money notes. Then I reached down inside the left pocket, only to find nothing was there. I gave a long sigh of frustration in the total darkness and then bent forward, my fingers trying to feel my bag that had been positioned there after I took a seat. My fingers then felt the rough texture of the bag, and continued to run up and down the canvas material until they found the zip. Without further ado, I zipped it open, reached further down inside the bag, and withdrew the phone. I fumbled clumsily on the buttons of the phone, which as a result, projected some light.<br />
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I held my phone up in the air so that the light would cast its effect further into the darkness before where I was perching. To my surprise, three rows down, I could make out the outlines of some heads here and there, covered in black hair, some short and some so long that it went cascading down all the way to the waist. My heart was hammering against my chest. My pulses quickened. I swallowed hard. <i>Don't be silly, Vendy, </i>I reassured myself. <i>They were late for the show, and that's why you didn't see them coming in. </i><br />
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Then my hair stood on end. All of a sudden, I felt … <i>breathing</i> on my neck. It was warm. It smelled like rotten food. The stench stung my nostrils. Despite my inner effort to calm my nerves, my hands started trembling. Without turning around to investigate the source of the breathing, I snatched my half-opened bag forcibly off the floor, and with the little light the phone was shedding onto the carpet, I took to my heels. I ran so fast for my life. I bumped into sharp corners, yet I bolted so quickly for the entrance where I had come in earlier.<br />
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<<exit>></exit><br />
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The <<exit>> sign was flickering green as if waiting to spit me out of the nightmarish experience. With all my might, I ran towards the closed doors without thinking twice about how such an act could land me in a hospital for weeks. <i>It's ok. It's ok. Run for the door and it's all over. </i>Before I could reach the doors, they suddenly flung open from the outside. I came to an abrupt halt, gasping for air, and casting the light from my phone onto the sight before me.</exit><br />
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I clutched my phone so tightly as if it was the last hope I had for survival, and raised it up high in the air to get a clearer view of the entire place. I turned around a few times to look for the cinema staff. The counter lady. The walkie-talkie man. Anyone at all.<br />
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<i>There was no one!</i><br />
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My heart sank. My knees began shaking. <i>It wasn't the lobby of the cinema! It wasn't the same place! It was … an abandoned building!</i><br />
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My phone shed light on the pile of the rubble before me. I shut my eyes tightly, opened them again, grit my teeth, and took a few shaky steps towards the pile to get a close-up look. Apparently, the pile was the result of the fallen ceiling since the light from my phone revealed a rather uneven hole in the above ceiling.<br />
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"Hello?" I cleared my throat and shouted out, attempting to conceal the fear that was creeping its way up and was ready to eat me up alive. The only reply to my question was its echo, reverberating throughout the deserted building. And then I felt something was … <i>moving</i>.<br />
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The pile of the rubble started stirring itself, stones at the top rolling down all the way to the bottom. <i>No, no, no! Please, please, please! </i>I wanted to run, yet my feet were rooted to the ground. My entire body was shaking like a leaf. Cold beads of sweat formed over my upper lip. My heart was palpitating so fast I knew it would burst out of my chest any moment. Yet my eyes were fixed on the rumbling rubble. Then I saw … <i>it.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
A crooked hand, bashed by the mighty force of the fallen ceiling, made its way out of the rubble pile. Then a head. The blood was gushing out of the hollow skull, streaming down the disfigured face. Slowly the figure rose to its full height. A smashed-up head, attached to the still-intact body wrapped around in a pink blouse, legless and one arm dangling, swinging lifelessly midair.<br />
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I screamed at the top of my lungs, but no voice came out. The figure zoomed towards me until its face was only inches away from mine. Then …<br />
<br />
"Just one seat, sir?"<br />
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I slowly opened my eyes. The disfigured face was gone. I was back in the same lobby I had once come in. I was still shaking from head to toe, and I was staring into the same eyes of the same beautiful, pink-bloused counter lady.<br />
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"What's going on?" I tried to conceal my fear, but my voice faltered.<br />
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"Just watch out! It's Pchum Ben, after all! You never know what's in store for you … in addition to the movie, sir!" She smiled at me.<br />
<br />
Then the same man with the walkie-talkie walked in our direction, looking first at the counter lady, then at me, and finally back at the counter lady again.<br />
<br />
I summoned all my might, and without another word, dashed out of the lobby, down the stairs, and towards my car parked on the ground floor … the <i>only </i>car on the ground floor. I fumbled for my car key in the pocket, and then tried to steady my shaky hand. Once I successfully opened the door, I jumped in, inserted the key, and started the engine. But something in the rear mirror caught my attention.<br />
<br />
In the back seat, the beautiful, pink-bloused counter lady was smiling broadly at me, handing me a crumpled sheet of paper in her hand.<br />
<br />
"3 Dollars, sir! Enjoy your movie!"<br />
<br />
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THE END.</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2982239481592240627.post-80722228242459781292014-07-26T10:08:00.001-07:002014-07-26T10:15:45.065-07:00ChangesCharles Darwin's theory on the survival of the fittest has won himself a global acclaim, and even within household confinement, his name and his theory are often referred to.<br />
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Am I the most adaptable to changes? NO! Can I adapt to changes eventually? YES!</div>
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Well, it is true that moving to a new workplace freaks me out a lot despite how much self-assurance i've practiced on myself over the past weeks. But while it still weighs on my mind quite heavily, it is not the main topic of this entry for the time being!</div>
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I am, in fact, going to talk about home! Yes, my very own lovely, cosy, little home. Quite recently my home has become very quiet, so quiet that it makes me wonder what is on everyone's mind. Dad seems to be lost in his own thoughts, and as far as I can tell, he tries to distract himself by lurking behind those plants and little trees he has planted with his bare hands. Mum is quiet too! Most of the time, she will just stare at one of those Hong Kong movies on TV, rapt in some distant thoughts. Well, I try to get them to talk by asking about either what my Dad is up to with the plants or what has happened to the main characters that Mum has been keeping an eye on, but that does not keep the conversations going on very long.</div>
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Then there was this one particular night when I was sitting on the swing outside the house observing my parents and trying to figure out the reasons behind the deafening silence, my brother joined me on the swing, and then he told me about the fact that the house would be so quiet after he would be married and he even shared with me his intention of staying over at our house even after his marriage. It was until at that point that I understood the mystery behind all the awkward silence! Apparently, Dad and Mum have been preoccupied with the thought of my brother's leaving. Yes, though it is a typical thing that men are supposed to get married and move away to the bride's side, when you actually come to term with it, it is a little hard, especially when my brother is always the bundle of joy, the bubbly kind, who is talkative to the point where it annoys me sometimes.</div>
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The truth is I know my home is gonna be a lot more quiet without my brother around, and yes, it will take some time for us to get used to it. In fact, recently I have tried to get home quite early, and kept mum and dad companied, or at the very least, even if i already have dinner from outside, I still have to make sure to eat my second dinner with them one more time. Also, I try to ask them about whatever they are up to--whether it is the movie they are watching, or the plants they have just brought into the house. I know I can never fill in the big shoes that my brother leaves behind because I myself know that I am going to miss him badly too after he moves out, but I have been trying my best to be involved in tiny little things at home as much as possible.</div>
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This is the change that I have to adapt to in addition to the change of workplace and lifestyle that come along the way. If I were to sit down and think about these in details, I would just stress myself out. I know this is definitely a first-world problem, but for a home as closely-knit as ours, losing a member shakes things up a little bit, and before we can find a stable ground and move on with life, we definitely need some time!</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2