Bottled Up?

Well, I have felt that a lot are bottled up inside me, and finding a means to let it out has never been more difficult. I remember resorting to Facebook as a platform where I can let thoughts wander off. But now? Nope. I just can't do that anymore! The truth is the moment my status gets a little personal and "deep", people start coming up with all sorts of comments of how "drama-queen-like" I am. Plus, I don't think stripping yourself off the guard and therefore leaving yourself naked with vulnerability does me any good anymore. At least i've got the Instagram, though! I do write about my thoughts and feelings once in a while, yes, but given how limited in number of words each text allows, it has never been comfortable either! Talking everything out? Nahhhhhhhhh ... First, i don't think I have someone who is truly and genuinely interested. Second, I fear attachment! The last time I tried to detach from my close friends emotionally, it was close to a living hell, so I am not going to let anyone--apart from my family--affect me so much with their presence and attitude.

Then of course there is this blogging thingie! I am so grateful that it hasn't been removed or something after being abandoned for so long. Well, a lot of things are not going right for me, and the worst is probably how lonely I am feeling right now. It's not like I wake up every morning feeling lonely day in and day out. No. But sometimes especially on weekends, it is getting harder to get by alone. Yes, i love going to movies alone. Yes, basketball helps, not to mention the soothing oil massage. But after a while, these develop as part of the expected routine. And as you know it very well, the thing about routine is after a while, it loses the excitement! I do read self-help articles about ways to deal with loneliness and depression. Most of them are things i have been doing! I think i need to pick up new hobbies for weekends, hobbies I can do alone. 

Well, don't get me wrong! I, in fact, have been positive in terms of thoughts and actions recently. I don't sweat small stuffs anymore. I love without wanting to possess. I let go of attachment. I focus more on my goals and family. I do get emotional sometimes, yes, but it fades away as quickly as it comes. Well, a few breakups, losses and torn friendships make people grow faster than they should, you know! That's what has happened to me.

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