Riding Through it All ...

There were a number of occasions when I dumped what had been written here in a trash bin though I was just about one click away from posting it for the public display. And there were other occasions when I felt the upsurge to blog but was at a complete loss of words to say. And of course there were occasions when I was struck by profound remorse for having posted too personal information. But on none of those occasions did the idea of giving up blogging ever cross my mind. And thanks to blogging, a lot of moments from my life have been recorded, rememembered, and shared with friends, acquaintances, and the world. Blogging, you are more than just a hobby I do to kill time. However, you are a friend whom I feel so comfortable sharing with. You are always there to listen to me, you always listen to my every story, some of which are so lame and some heart-wrenching. You teach me an important lesson in life, and that is: Do not be ashamed to be true to yourself!

Never be a slacker like me. Never be a procastinator like me. Never be a disorganized idiot like me. Never be ME! Cos ME is flawed in many aspects... I need to carve out these rotten parts of me because i wanna be a better whole!!!

Well, I am more or less like an adult now in the sense that i earn my own money and stuff. Though i quite enjoy working at ITC quite a lot, there is something inside me that keeps popping up every now and then, and makes all the excitement and all the energy go away. "Why in God's name i never grow up?" You may ask! Well yeah i definitely know that separation is part of learning and growth, but i just seem incapable of grappling with it very well. It tears me apart when i sense my friends and i are drifting apart with each passing day. Again you may go like, "So lame!" I know it sounds so, but I just cannot help brooding a lot about this! I remember being literally lectured by my dad a few weeks ago about what adulthood is all about, and it struck me with a jaw-cracking blow that there are so many expectations of me. By "expectations", it has nothing to do with monetary issues. As a matter of fact, there is more to do with heavier responsibilities as a...

The end. The destination. There is a whole world of difference in terms of how you feel when you are on the journey, wishing you would land wherever you are supposed to land soon, and when you are there at your anticipated destination. True enough, there is nothing exciting nor great about reaching the end or the destination. The end actually means the edge of a cliff. Take one further step and you will fall down and hurt yourself real bad, and believe it or not, it is at this point that you cast a quick nostalgic glance through those aboard moments during your journey longing for those passed seconds. Then you start asking yourself silly questions. What the heck am i doing here? How can i possibly get to the other side without cracking my skull open? For the first time in your life, you feel so scared and so lost, and all you need now is someone with such great wisdom to guide you. Unfortunately reality can be very harsh. There is no fairy Godmother who just comes out of the blue, and...

My chest was being pierced through and slashed, with each step she took towards Him. Don't be weak! Pull yourself together . Tears suddenly sprang to my eyes. Come on, be strong! BE STRONG! I was using the remaining strength in my entire body to hold them back. Not now, please! Not in her presence! After two more heavy steps, she came to a halt. Then she swiveled her head around slowly, her beautiful silky hair framing her tear-stained face. Her lips stretched delicately to form a smile. Her last smile ever, maybe... "Thank you" was all she said to me. "Thank you" was echoing in my head over and over and over. "Thank you"? That's it? "Thank you", and then you walk out on me like that? With all my might, i forced a smile and nodded. Please don't go! Please! I'd do anything! Please! The lump in my throat seemed to be enlarging. My entire body began shaking. Before i totally lost grip on myself, i turned my back to her, every inch o...

I was once told by Kintan that "a person only needs three things to be truly happy; someone to love, something to hope for, and something to do ". But i think something is missing here. Something so crucial that missing of which will bring about anything but the most sought-after happiness. I cannot agree more that being loved is just as important and as fundamental to any living creatures as it can be. But then the term "happiness" itself is controversial in nature. Its definition varies significantly among different individuals, and so far, in the face of a whole string of odds, varied number of definitions even abounds as more and more people start to ponder a lot about what it is like to be truly happy. To be very honest, I often find myself rapt in thoughts about this happiness issue, and each time the same plethora of nagging questions keep surfacing, each spinning my head even more. Does what am i doing make me happy at all? Why do i still have to shoulder ev...

What would happen if one day we woke up in the morning and realized that all those people that matter so much in our lives are, after all, just unreal mental images? This guy by the name of John Nash from "A Beautiful Mind" is diagnosed with schrezophrenia, a kind of illness that conjures up delusions in his head. It takes more than just his guts and stamina to come to terms with the painful truth that his only best friend, Charles, is anything but real. Both of them, as a matter of fact, never co-exist in reality! Watching this movie got me thinking, "How would I feel if I were in his shoes?" There are times when I feel disappointment in the pit of my stomach after I tell myself, "It is just another dream". But I am very positive that feeling disappointed would be an understatement when it comes to situations like John’s. It would be a hell of an emotional struggle to take a new look around and start absorbing new things again, trying with all my might to...