Riding Through it All ...

You know what sucks? Sitting next to the person you really really like, knowing you cannot have him/her--that sucks big time! For those who take things the easy way, even if they find themselves tangled up in all this, they have an ingenious way of manipulating their feelings, and manage to get by just fine. Too bad that this is not always the case for the sensitive people! Usually, in the face of such odds, they somehow turn from caterpillars--figuratively, of course--to, not beautiful, dearly-loved butterflies, but drama queens! They choose to strip off anything that lights them up and makes them happy, push happy-go-lucky friends away, and start digging themselves a hole, where sorrow and gloom and hopelessness live. Well, in other words, they start to develop what I call "self-pity", which is not in any ways attractive at all, at least to me.  For all the right reasons in the world, yes, it is sad! Such an experience hurts to the core when you seriously sit down and ...

I do not know how wonderful it feels like, knowing that there is another life growing inside your belly, feeding onto the food you eat everyday, and feeling the tiny little vibrations known as "kicks". And to even think about the pain a mother has to bear with after realising that her baby cannot be conceived is just beyond something I can ever possibly imagine. And to actually witness your loved one lying on her bed, crippled emotionally, just tears me apart. It is just too sad, too heartbreaking, to listen to her narrating about how she went extra miles to take care of the baby, only to be devastated when the misfortune came sucking the very life out of her baby :(

These few days it's been apparently overwhelming for everyone in Cambodia. We have just lost our King Father! Of course, I am sure when it comes down to talking about a leader of a country, there is no perfect leader. One way or the other, leaders are credited for some reasons and loathed for others. Likewise, in the case of the King Father, he was not perfect. But as far as I know, as the head of the state, he did not just sit around and give orders to the subordinates--he fought for our country! And now that he passed away, there appeared the never-seen-before footage of how Cambodia was like during his reign. I was dumbfounded to see how advanced in so many sectors Cambodia was during the 1960s. But then of course even though he was already gone, there are still people who seem to hold grudges against him for things he did not do well. Personally, I choose to remember the so many things he did right for this country and to let go of the things he screwed up. And my heart goes o...

I am not mean! I am not genetically programmed to be mean! There are times when I raise my voice, wave you off, or even shout back at you using harsh words. But rest assured that that man, the man who does all that, is not Vendy! He is the shield and the guard I put on to protect  myself from the vulnerability. If there is anything I have learned as a person, it must be the fact that being nice, in a bigger broader sense, only lands you in a place where you are treated badly. There was a time not long ago when I believed being nice was the key to successful communication between people, but guess what? I WAS DARN WRONG! What happened was I got taken for granted, and people made you feel like being nice was a disease! It made me feel being nice was more like a genetic mutation that scared and chased them off! If you ask me now whether the ugly, more monstrous side of me that has come out eats up the nicer one, the answer is NO! No, it hasn't, and I think it never will! The niceness...

Dear bloggie, These few days the horrible flu has got the best of me. It is not just the typical flu you get on a typical rainy day, though. This time it is more horrendous! Screw it--my lungs seem to be squeezed tightly together, leaving only a small narrow passage of air to go in and out. And then to make matters worse, I have this searing pain in my head, not to mention the coughing and blurry vision. Anyways, now that I am getting back on my feet again, I have the physical strength to pay you a visit, bloggie! Well, my emotional being, on the other hand, seems to be like one straight line on the heart rate monitor machine. No irregularity. No beep. No nothing. "Stability" is good, though. But there is one thing I crave on countless occasions in the course of a typical day, and that is COFFEE. Yes, coffee! I know caffeine is not healthy, but what is life without some risks and problems? As a result, I drink that Nescafe thing from KFC at least two times a day. S...

People come into your life and go. Some leave footprints. Some leave scars. Well, so far, i have enjoyed the "expedition", or more, the rush of the adrenaline down the spine that it gives me. But after a while, after being in and out for a while, it sort of falls into the same pattern that repeats itself ... the pattern that smells familiar. Then it gets me thinking, "What is wrong?" Well, sometimes it is not about what is wrong, but it is probably about what isn't right. There is a huge difference between the two. You can either go on, knowing that there is nothing wrong though it isn't right, or stop right there, when you feel even if nothing is wrong, it just isn't right! Normally, I opt for the latter. But I opt for it so many times that I start to fantasize how it would be like if i chose otherwise. The good thing, though, is the fact that the latter gives me sense of righteousness for me myself and for the party involved, and as a result, I am...

It's Friday night, and the earth is damp. Streets are congested with cars and bikes, each trying to get to its destination. My car was one of those, yet mine was the weird one because it didn't really have a specific place to head for. A lot of ideas popped into my head about what to do after the workout: massage, movies, coffee shop, and home. But come on, it's Friday night--nobody would wanna head home early. So after one hour of aimless driving or something, finally, here again I am at GJC! Yeah, the same old place! After a long while, coming here isn't as exciting as it was in the beginning. Plus, more loud people usually hang out here very often. I still came here, anyway. My biceps and triceps ache. So do my neck and the lower half of my body. But i am not being a grumpy granddad here! I love the new fitness club, and of course, i love working out. I feel that at least i do something worthwhile for my body. And the thought of myself losing the belly really ke...

I think each of us has a list of people in mind, people whose appearance in our presence sort of sickens us. While some might be expressive of this, others choose to cuddle up somewhere and hold the grudge silently against those people. And of course there are people like me--the weird ones--who are so pissed off by some of the rich that they feel the need to word them out somewhere in excruciating details. So the following is the list of those people, the list which goes by the name of "The Hated": 1. The rich people who are cheap drivers despite their expensive cars. 2. The rich people who post pictures showing off their richness on Facebook. 3. The rich people who talk rich. 4. The rich people who cling onto rich friends. 5. The rich people who hate street food. 6. The rich people who literally do not have to work because they are already rich. 7. The rich people who insist on paying for every single meal. 8. The rich people who are "up in the sky", and ...

T I remember seeing Talia for the first time on one of those YouTube videos on Facebook. Back then, to me, she was no more than just a bald young girl who seemed too skinny for someone her age, someone--I had assumed--who, like many other YouTubers, tried to earn a living simply by posting videos. But I was wrong! I was deadly wrong! After watching the video she posted, I came to realize that she was not just one of those YouTubers; she was more! In fact, because of her struggles to fight both types of cancer that have been eating away at her life, she has become the most inspiring person I have ever heard of! For a 13-year-old girl like her, she is so strong that she does not complain about how unfair life is to her, but she chooses to focus on the brighter side, seeking to inspire others, and fighting the diseases with her chin up and her head held up high. It gets me thinking how i would be like if i were in her shoes!

Cambodia has been molded and shaped into a society where tipping is a norm now. I am not sure whether anyone has ever paused to give some serious thoughts to the buckets of cash that are splashed out of his pocket in the course of a typical uneventful day. If you own a bike, you always have to tip off the guy or the uncle who supposedly "looks after" your bike with the minimum amount of 500 Riels despite the fact that all he ever does is to simply sit there and entertain himself with the songs on the radio. The bad news is there is no one-stop service shop where you can get everything done. In fact, in the worst scenario, you may have to drop in on five different places. This apparently means the more places you stop, the more tips you give out. People who own cars like me are at no mercy of fate, in this case. As much as you wish to save up the amount of money you tip off everyday, it is not probable that you can spend 500Riels each time you park. Along with car ownersh...

So, I was making a lot of U-turns, avoiding flooded streets, for I knew my car was not too keen on wading through large pools of water in the streets. And yeah, what could be a better place of warmth and shelter than the Riverside GJC??!!!! The view is definitely breath-taking!!!!  Anyway, as I am typing this, it is still drizzling, and there is no sign of sunlight anywhere now or in the next two or three hours. Quite strangely, the gloomy side of me is not coming to the forefront today despite such a weather. It usually does! And when it does, it is ugly and it chases people off! This is the thing about moods! In English, there is an expression that says, "Wake up on the wrong side of your bed". It simply means you are just frustrated and pissed off and emotional for no particular reasons. And I personally feel that it's true. Often times i find myself moody and annoyed and emotional even though nothing bad in particular happens. Trust me, once you feel that way, th...

There are some of the things I do solo: 1. Watch movies in a cinema 2. City tour on foot 3. Read books at a coffee shop 4. Buy DVDs 5. Have foot/body massage 6. Work out at a gym 7. Drive around aimlessly 8. Have my hair cut 9. Shopping

This is a new addition to the existing Nicholas family. I am not quite sure whether it's the latest release, though. For those of you who have read a number of my written pieces, and for those of you who have read some of the bestsellers by Nicholas, you guys probably sense the fact that my writing is greatly influenced by his. I know placing myself on a pedestal side by side with him is a huge self-compliment I do not deserve, but if you are being more analytical, you will be able to pinpoint quite a number of commonalities between the features of my writing and his. But then I owe thanks enormously not only to him but also to J.K.Rowling. As a matter of fact, her seven Harry Potter books have enriched me with a big fat source of vocabulary. I have picked up words that are so useful for my writing from her. Though these two prolific authors excel in different genres, there is no doubt they have changed my life as an amateur writer. Anyways, hopefully, this book will keep me b...

I woke up this morning--once again with a heavy head, only to discover an email from an acquaintance whom i have lost contact with for decades in my inbox, and it took me less than 5 seconds to let the realization that this is the usual fraud sink in. This email reminds me of a similar one I received from the hacked account of Mr. TM some time ago, and the email reads as follows: Emergency (Response Needed Please)‏‏‏ FROM: mab tith   Wednesday, August 4, 2010 1:19 PM Hope you get this on time? Sorry I didn't inform you about my trip to Spain for a program, I am presently in Madrid and am having some difficulties here because i misplaced my wallet on my way to the hotel where my money and other valuable things were. presently my passport and my things are been held down by the hotel management pending when i make payment. I need you to help me with a loan of (2,600 Euro = $3,300)  to pay my hotel bills and to get myself back...

No, no! I am not dying. And brain tumour is nothing but an imaginary problem created in literary contexts when authors cannot give a better final touch to their romances.  Or at least, for 24 years of my life, no one of my acquaintance has found himself/herself caught up in this terminal disease. Anyways these days I have been suffering a lot from migraine headaches--or I think they are. And then it gets me thinking about the possibility of myself being diagnosed with the brain tumour. Instead of scaring the hell out of me, the thought sort of sets my mind reeling on how heroic I might turn out to be. I see myself making inspiring YouTube videos giving touching speeches to uplift the spirits of the people who are down. I see myself being surrounded by family members and friends, all attending to my needs and showing so much care and love. I see myself travelling the world as my death day approaches. I know everything sounds silly, but it is kind of interesting to find out how one's...

Call me a weirdo, for I admit I do not fall into the same category that 80% of  the other Cambodian men of my age do when it comes down to KTV--adult KTV, to be exact. While there is no doubt I love singing, I definitely do not fancy the idea of being next to a strange KTV woman, hugging her and pretending to enjoy her company. For one thing, to me, it feels like paying 1/3 of your salary so that you can sit next to a completely strange woman whose face you can barely see in the dark and who shares no bond with you in whatsoever way. Yes, you may argue the concept of bonding sounds anything but lame when sexual fulfilment is what matters. Also, as much as I hate admitting this, I cannot help but think in details about those so many older guys who have gone overboard and laid their hands all over her way way before me. And as much as I hate to admit it, the though just sort of disgusts me. Moreover, it makes little sense to me when friends end up going for adult KTV after claiming ...

His watch just struck 8pm. Another half an hour to go, he thought to himself. The rain seemed to be somehow mad at him, for it was slashing itself violently against the glass pane of Brown 1, breaking itself into tinly little droplets that trickled all the way down. He looked around, realizing that he was the only remaining customer. But he was still hopeful. He still was! He could not help but gaze through the glass door into the darkness outside, hoping ... "Sir, would you like something else?" A face with a beaming smile blocked his view. "Oh no, thanks! I'm just ... I'm good with just this. Thanks." He awkwardly forced a smile back at the waiter, who grinned at him one more time before taking off to join the other two apparently chatting away and occasionally stealing glances at him. He looked at his watch again, sighed, and flipped through the pages of Globe in search for something interesting to read to kill the time. As much as he wished he could c...

So yeah it's been a while ... My blog is barely breathing, or LITERALLY she never has lol. Anyways I am 24 years old ... I HAVE LIVED 24 YEARS OF MY FREAKING LIFE!!!!! Now that I think about it, I feel small, really small! I hang around some people of my age and I look up to them and they all seem so tall and big. Well, do not take it the literal way! I mean, I am not happy with what I have achieved so far. A lot of people come to me and start telling me about the potentials they see in me and stuff. And there are times I wish I could be as confident in myself as they are in me. Probably I get too comfortable with everything I am having to even work hard at getting something else. But isn't this what life is all about? Ambition? Greatness? Sometimes it feels wrong to be contented with my life. I doubt where the ambitious side of me has gone! I really don't know!

Well, while a lot of people groan and moan, simply yearning relentlessly after vacations, I detest them! Yeah, YOU HEARD ME RIGHT! I DETEST THEM! For one thing, you have too much time at your own disposal, and what happens is you develop what I call "lazy bones". You wake up at 11am every morning and spend another two hours simply tossing and turning, and before you know it, it's already 2pm and you still haven't had a drop of water--to name the least. Well after that you start racking brain for things to do but end up sucking at your favourite coffee shop. Then you find yourself staring into that tiny little screen of your phone for another 3 hours before you have no.better choices but to head back home again. Typical vacations indeed!

As i am writing this, the inspiration is still wading its way through my veins and reaching out to every part of the body, thanks to the meeting with Mr. ROTH Hok. So yeah, this post is mainly about him! There is something about him, something "fatherly" and warm ... With him just sitting there chairing the staff meeting, and eloquently talking about the future of IFL and everything, i was hooked and at the same time, inspired! Ever since he has walked out on us, leaving us under the management of the new team, there have been a lot of changes, some for the worse and some, of course, for the better as well. But I always feel that with him around, there is this unspoken trust, understanding, and reassurance, all of which can be felt in the air. I have met and talked to many people, of various levels, with various educational degrees and experiences, but nobody has inspired me the way he has. I couldn't believe I was able to sit through the THREE-HOUR MEETING, and for on...

The tip of my index finger is stained with the ugly dark purple ink. Well, it's the national communal election day, and the first things i saw in the morning in Facebook were fingers--a lot of fingers, actually--as an indication that they exercised their right as a citizen to have their voice heard. As a matter of fact, it took me less than 10 minutes to get in the "room" and out. But yeah, i read the instruction on the ballot sheet carefully in case i missed out on anything important. Too bad! There were names of the parties of which I had never heard nor seen. And yes, the so-called "secret room" was barely secret. It was just some metal scraps shaped to make it look like a shield of some sort. After dropping my ballot into the box, I was instructed to dip my index finger into the ink bottle. Speculation had it that 200 grands were spent on just the ink bottles alone. I am not quite sure about that, though. I will need to look it up somewhere. Anyways, now ...

Fengshui? Yes, Fengshui! It literally means "wind-water". Fengshui is the use of the laws of heaven and earth to help improve life. Though I do not believe in fortune telling, I believe in Fengshui. And as a matter of fact, my belief has grown remarkably over the past years, less probably because my entire family puts it on a pedestal and worships it, but more probably because I have read a couple of Fengshui books, and I have made some observations and comparisons between the events of my life predicted and those in the actual reality. And surprisingly enough, there seems to be a shocking abundance in commonalities. I believe that in life, despite how much effort is put into ensuring that everything goes in the course of the most desired direction, there are always times when life derails, mainly because of the human-related ability and management, but partly also, I believe, because of the laws of nature. Anyways, I have just subscribed to the Fengshui master by the name...

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Aging is a natural process when everything about your body gets rusty and slow. Your eyes are blurry. Your ears lose the ability to catch sound of the dropping of a ball two hundred meters away. Your nose gets congested and is deprived of its usual capacity. Your back aches to the point where resting itself against something soft and comfy is just simply heavenly. Your belly bulges at an eerie rate despite your attempt to curb its growth. Your arms and legs are no longer as agile as they used to be, and muscle pains are part of your daily complaint list. The worst part of them all is having lazy bones. You don't feel like waking up early. You put important things off. You do not want to stand up again once your butts rest on something comfortable for a while. Sent from my iPhone

It is the day when the rain comes pouring down, smashing its anger into its hard earth. It is the day when streets are way beneath the surface of the floods. It is the day when coffee shops like Browns and Gloria Jeans are packed with young pathetic shelter seekers. It is the day when something as simple and light as a bowl of piping hot Pho can warm your stomach and your soul. It is the day when I go, "Holy Shoot! I almost forget what day it is!" It is the day of someone's birthday. It is the 15th of May! ... and despite years, it is one of those days when memories comes flashing past my eyes ...

Nothing to say ... Just this!

Heart is like a remote control of your body when it comes to love. The heart skips a beat, races, and sometimes pounds so hard. You do not need a university professor holding a Phd to tell you whether you are in love because when it does one of these, you know you are falling. Heart can manipulate your brain and your body to jump into crazy routines, the kind the typical YOU would never do in a million years. But heart can be fickle too, and this is the ugly part. Since your functioning is at its finger tips, it can pump into your veins totally different sets of emotions, the annoyance, the frustration, and the like, and this is when you know you are actually falling out of love. Since heart can be a dangerous device, it is sometimes meant to be broken, and therefore, deprived of its usual manipulative capacity! People break it so that all the authority is left to the head to grasp hold of, and not the heart!

So, my broken watch is fixed!!! YAYYYYY!!! Before you go, "Dude, seriously? You seriously are going to blog about A WATCH?", I feel the need to defend myself against your prejudgment. First of all, yes, it is about a watch! But this entry sheds light, not so much on the physicality of the watch, whose appearance is, with little doubt, attractive to the point where you cannot resist laying your fingers on, but on an important lesson even a watch--a soulless, heartless, and mechanical piece of metal--can teach us, or at least, me about life and love. Well, I got hold of the watch two years ago, and it was a birthday gift from my elder brother. Radiant and sporty, the watch won my heart. The lust I had for the watch did not last long, though, and before i knew it, I started taking it for granted. I rarely rubbed its face clean with a piece of cotton or anything. I sometimes was too careless to the point where I smacked its face with hard surfaces. Though each time it hurt me, ...

1. I talk to myself once in a while, and yes, I mean, just myself! 2. I talk to my dogs as if they understood me--or maybe they really do? 3. I turn the music on in my room after work, and start dancing to anything that I hear. 4. I have a nail clipper in my car, and when the traffic gets awfully congested, i clip my nails. 5. I sometimes wear the same shirt for three days! 6. I cannot stay at home from 5pm to 7pm; I have never tried because the thought of doing so can almost literally kill me. 7. If I find a pimple on my head, I tend to be obsessed with it--i touch it very often, and i do not know why. 8. I can eat stewed beef soup with bread every morning for months and still enjoy it. 9. When i am stressed, I enjoy DRIVING, aimless driving. 10. I am a perfectionist who procrastinates, and i suffer as a result of the combination of the two.

So the fun is over, or at least, it almost is, since I am already leaning quite comfortably onto the comfy seat of Sorya bus while it is purring with pleasure at the approximate speed of 70km/h ... The KPS trip, though with just the three of us, was enjoyable--most part of it was. I had a chance to experience fishing from a fishing boat in the middle of the sea and diving into the vastness of 15-meter-something-deep sea from the boat. The sad part, though, was having to see the stressed-out looks of my two friends. And most of the time onshore, they were caught up in some thoughts, deep faraway thoughts, the thoughts I kn but the depth and the pain of which I would never kn... It broke my heart seeing them in such conditions and there was little I could help despite how much I want to help. Sighs life sucks! Love sucks!

Suddenly, friends and acquaintances find themselves being swallowed up by problems, most of which are love-related. If I were the Vendy from 3 years ago, I would not be at ease perching on top of my chair, simply observing them from the distance. I would be too caught up in dashing about from one to another, asking them with probing questions, trying to fill myself in those shoes, and stressing my brain out to think of ways to best help them out of the misery. If there is anything that hinders me from engaging in the routine again, it must be the lessons I have learnt from such acts. First of all, I have finally come to the realization that there is so much I can do yet so little I should do. Probably it is true that I am gifted with a "good" pair of ears, and over the course of time and experiences, sitting down with and genuinely listening to them pouring their hearts out for just 3 hours helps them feel more relieved than trying to run around to get their things fixed on...

Ok, this is exciting!!!!!!!!!! So this is the novel in English written by a Cambodian author!!! I mean, whoa!!! I dropped by IFL bookstore this morning just to get a marker, and then the word "Sangha" caught my attention. Intuitively I took the book off the shelf, and my heart was pounding fast knowing it was written by a Cambodian author, an IFLer to be exact. And this is just a book! It gives me ideas on how to get my book(s) published too, since his email address is up there. All i need to do is to ask him on the procedures ... i am one step closer to one of my less ambitious dreams :D

Ok, imagine this scenario: You go to your friend's friend's wedding, and given a choice, you would rather stay at home--if it were not for moral reasons. So things get pretty awkward for you since you barely know the guests there, but you are willing to wait till the wedding reception ends because you have learnt from your friend that your friend does not have any transportation back home. It's 9PM and people are deserting the reception except for the close friends and relatives of the bride and the groom. And then the clock strikes 10PM. The awakwardness intensifies since there are only a few tables left, one of which is occupied by your friend and his other friends who are apparently drinking their everything away. Then, your friend comes along, and apologizes for your discomfort, and you go, "It's fine. I get it!" Your friend requests if you can wait till 11PM. So you decide to go outside of the reception for a drink or so just to kill the time, while lett...

When words don't say much anymore LOL ...

The two-week holiday is almost over, and it hasn't been awful. I could manage to go on a family trip to SR for two nights, though I doubt whether the first could be counted since we apparently spent exactly 13 hours on the road and only made it to SR at 8 30pm or so. And of course, I managed to have some time on my own like going to the gym and all. Speaking of which, I think I have been so much into gyming lately, probably because I want to regain my good shape and to have a ripped body, and also because working out can be surprisingly stress-relieving. Anyways, I know I still have a freaking long way to go before i am able to reap the fruits out of the whole on-and-off workout routine of mine, but you know what they say? Quitters never win and winners never quit! So yeah, the summer vacation lasts a few more days, and when the school starts, I will find myself frantically zooming here and there to get things done again! I like it, though. When I am busy, I feel productive!

Alright, it's been a long while since I posted anything here. After some hours of talking to gaara sand, I was given the inspiration to blog again, and this time, I am going to make it open to the public ... And yes, there will be fewer sad posts! My brain should have been fed enough with all the negative thoughts, so it's time my brain deserved some fresh air and good, healthy thoughts. So stay tuned for more posts ...