Riding Through it All ...

There is no doubt that I have been spending a lot of time on my own these days. Yes, I used to be all sad and rush into the whole I-hate-my-life self-pity. But as I aged, and as positivity stepped into my life, I realised that being alone deserves being credited for as much as being surrounded by good companies. It is just a matter of the angle from which you are seeing the situation, you see! Anyway, one of the good things is definitely the rare opportunity that you get to explore yourself even more. Usually, people we hang out with--whether you are aware of it or not, or whether you like it or not--influence you in many ways. The way you think is, therefore, affected, and a lot of good new fresh ideas that pop up in your head are usually compromised to serve the best interests of the entire clique. However, after some time of being literally detached yourself from the people you used to hold dear and near, you are able to sit down and spend a lot of time to get to know yourself even...

Being in your 20s, especially your late 20s, after you have graduated from your college for 5 or 6 years, career-wise, you are still in the middle of nowhere. Even if you are unfortunate enough to land with the kind of job that you love at your dream workplace, it is likely that 5 or 6 years is enough to put you in a position where you feel that you have outgrown what you have been doing for the past 5 or 6 years. Likewise, in my case, I am at a point in life where I feel I have passion for business. I know it might come across as "wildly random" for some people who have never got to know me well, but deep down I think I have the brain for business! The prospect of the high level of creativity it allows excites me! And i am the kind of person who loves to be one step ahead of others in terms of creativity, who thinks outside the box.  And yes, because I have started my work as a government official for some time now, i start to realise how little room there is for creat...

Suddenly it feels like i'm being back at one again! I'm talking about the whole pieces of business and career ideas that are randomly floating around in my head. Well, it is not that i am not sure about what i'm doing, but the problem with me is if i keep doing something, i am a workaholic! That is to say, I am crazy into it! But … the moment something happens that interrupts the flow, it sends me back into the whole dreamy lazy state. Yes, it has been 10 days since the wedding, yet things haven't fallen back into place on my part yet--the mental part! I don't know … I just can't focus and drag myself back to work. Apparently I have been on leave for 10 days now (how ridiculous!), and yes, i do need the transition for my part too. I know it sounds absurd since I am not the one getting married and having to start a new chapter of married life! But still, I need some time to clear my head. Anyways, I'd like to share this lovely photo. Love it so much!

So … my brother finally stripped himself off the single status he had been carrying around for 32 years. To say that he was lucky to be able to tie the knot with my sister-in-law was an understatement! What a perfect match they made! I couldn't be happier for him!  The wedding they hosted was beautiful and amazing. Well, I don't mean to take credits for making everything go according to the plan, but as far as everyone is concerned, I managed the whole thing. Yes! You heard me right! There were times along the way when I was really on the verge of losing it, but I managed to pull myself together and kept reminding myself that I did it all for my brother and my sister-in-law … out of love! The strange thing is how I felt after the wedding was over! I don't know whether any of you have felt this way, but right now I am kinda feeling a little lost and disoriented. I used to feel that way when I lost a few close friends and my dates. I know all my brother was to move in ...

Let's talk about phobias! Yes, phobias! I believe everyone has phobias! I do too, but I am not sure whether it is just me or there are actually some others out there who have the phobias I am going to talk about too! Height? Insects? Defeat? Nahhhh … not really! I mean, admit it, everyone is afraid of height! Don't you dare tell me you are not! I think everyone is scared of height. I mean, who wouldn't? Just imagine standing on a glass floor of a glass cable car 200 meters above the sea level!!! It scares the poop out of you, i'm sure! And then we have those who are scared of insects? And when I ask them why, they start trying so hard to make insects look scary by talking about how those tiny wiggling things have the ability to squeeze their way through the ear holes!!! Well, to be honest, I am NOT scared of insects!! And admittedly, I find it ridiculous, but well I try not to judge them because it is phobia we are talking about here--it can be stupid and ridiculou...

Imagine you are snatched from your dreamland and back into the reality by the most nerve-wracking noise in the world: the alarm clock. You curse the alarm under your breath. You toss and turn a bit in your bed. You stretch your body. Then you extend your arm to reach for your phone, which has apparently been asleep by your side the whole night as well. You scroll here and here, and when you see "Facebook", you give the icon a gentle touch with your index finger. It is just a matter of seconds before your entire phone screen is engulfed by people's statuses, pictures, and videos. You have no idea what you are looking for exactly, but you just keep on scrolling down. At this point, what greet your heavy puppy eyes in the morning are: a very personal status of an old-time high school friend who describes how much she is missing her ex, a video clip of a sassy-looking contestant on The Voice Cambodia, and an "Ice Bucket Challenge" video in which a girl in her pyjam...

"Can I have F15, please?" I pointed at the tiny screen displaying the seats for "The Ugly Ghost", which would be screened at 7: 50 PM. "Just one seat, sir?" The beautiful, pink-bloused counter lady with the ponytail beamed widely. "Yes, just one! This new place is pretty quiet, isn't it? Apparently, I might be the only one watching this movie at 7: 50PM." I attempted to be a little bit more friendly, strangely feeling sorry for her. After all this place looked almost deserted, and for someone as stunning as she was, with her oval-shaped face, her black silky hair that was tied at the back into a ponytail, and a smile that could virtually melt your heart, it was undeniable that she belonged to a more decent place worthy of being more frequently visited by enthusiastic movie goers. "Just watch out! It's Pchum Ben, after all! You never know what is in store for you ... in addition to the movie, sir!" She smiled again. My k...

Charles Darwin's theory on the survival of the fittest has won himself a global acclaim, and even within household confinement, his name and his theory are often referred to. Am I the most adaptable to changes? NO! Can I adapt to changes eventually? YES! Well, it is true that moving to a new workplace freaks me out a lot despite how much self-assurance i've practiced on myself over the past weeks. But while it still weighs on my mind quite heavily, it is not the main topic of this entry for the time being! I am, in fact, going to talk about home! Yes, my very own lovely, cosy, little home. Quite recently my home has become very quiet, so quiet that it makes me wonder what is on everyone's mind. Dad seems to be lost in his own thoughts, and as far as I can tell, he tries to distract himself by lurking behind those plants and little trees he has planted with his bare hands. Mum is quiet too! Most of the time, she will just stare at one of those Hong Kong movies on...

6 30PM, IFL. This is my last day as a full-timer at IFL, and strangely I am not feeling sad nor happy. A few days ago, I was all overwhelmed by the impending goodbye, but now that it has finally arrived, I am at the complete loss for words to describe my emotions. Have I enjoyed teaching at IFL? Yes, definitely! Two of my favourite subjects are Literature Studies and Writing Skills. Through both, I managed to flaunt my creativity as a teacher, and also my skills and knowledge. Though over the years I was required to teach pretty much the same subject matters--though with a vast variation of techniques, I still indulged in getting to know my students individually on a more personal level. Of course, I was nowhere near perfection, but I believed I managed to inspire some students in positive ways, and to realize that you could be partly responsible for someone's motivation and growth is definitely a blessing!  However, I have a dream. Yes, a dream! This dream is so big that ...

"Be yourself." "Be happy with who you are." "Never try to be someone you are not." "People who matter don't judge; people who judge don't matter." And the list goes on. Well, personally, I think we have subconsciously absorbed the whole be-who-you-are ideology through American movies. 8 out of 10 American movies place a significant emphasis on this ideology, and yes, I think the Americans themselves have done a pretty remarkable job living up to the expectation of "being themselves". They fail a Math test, but it is perfectly okay because they can draw! They leave home at the age of 18 and hate their mom, but it is perfectly okay because they are being themselves and they do not have to worry about what their mom think! They are self-centred, selfish, and egotistic, but it is okay because they are just being themselves! We, Asians, or more specifically Cambodians, have been exposed to this contagious ideology for so long ...

Well, it is like reaching the end of one gold field with mines. Naturally, you would feel relieved and thankful that you make it without losing a few arms and legs or even your life even though it means continuing on with your journey, goldless, but little do you realise lying ahead of you is another gold field--and yes with mines again. Would you take the risk and set off on your excursion in search of gold though you might end up getting your head blown off? Yes, I am stuck there now!

Dear Vendy: I know you have taken excessively large amounts of caffeine lately--whether they are found in tea or coffee, and this is probably why you are feeling that you are being anxiety-stricken. I just wanna let you know that the problems that are in your head right now are 10 times bigger than they actually are in real life! It is just your head--and yes, the caffeine--playing tricks on you! You are gonna be fine! Of course some of the things that you are required to do are things you are not familiar with or things that put you under pressure. But don't you get worked up about them! You will go out there, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and do what you can do! If you screw up, it is okay! Lessons learnt and just move on! Remember, Vendy, both you and I want the best for you, and to reap the most out of this experience, you need to step out of your comfort zone, but you can take your time doing it! There is no need to rush! And don't you worry about the future! Nob...

The thing about life is one moment you are so hopeful for one thing, and the next you witness your dreams being shattered to pieces right before your eyes. And then before you can properly grieve over the failure, another door of opportunity pops up with its welcoming arms. And from there, you start scrapping the ashes of hope off the earth surface and trying to glue them together to make one complete hope again.  The moral of the story is no matter how likely something seems, it can come crumbling down with one unexpected blow. Likewise, no matter how impossible something appears to be sometimes, you have to cling onto hope and faith and believe that bubble gums can rain from the sky. We are supposed to be ready, and as cliche as it may sound, hope for the best and prepare for the worst. Just like Ted once said, "Sometimes things have to break apart for better things to happen." I myself have been there and done that. I have been hopeless about things that are just ...

Once upon a time :)

Well, if you have read my blog long enough, you probably have come across an article about my belief in Fenghui. Yes, that's right--Fengshui! Judge me all you like, but I have been there and done that--I used to be the so-called "man for himself" believing in hard work and commitment and judging people who embrace superstition and Fengshui as people with excuses. Now however, I have let Fengshui become part of my "life manual". I don't necessarily put my future solely in the hands of Fengshui. Of course hard work and committment play a larger role. But I now believe that there is a higher power, power beyond anything human, power that affects--though not necessarily controls--life. Anyways, to cut a long story short, the Fengshui book has said that March is a month of misfortune and April is when everything falls into place and my life hits a jackpot. It's the 31st of March, and though I am just about 9 hours away from the dawn of April, I already f...

Well, I have felt that a lot are bottled up inside me, and finding a means to let it out has never been more difficult. I remember resorting to Facebook as a platform where I can let thoughts wander off. But now? Nope. I just can't do that anymore! The truth is the moment my status gets a little personal and "deep", people start coming up with all sorts of comments of how "drama-queen-like" I am. Plus, I don't think stripping yourself off the guard and therefore leaving yourself naked with vulnerability does me any good anymore. At least i've got the Instagram, though! I do write about my thoughts and feelings once in a while, yes, but given how limited in number of words each text allows, it has never been comfortable either! Talking everything out? Nahhhhhhhhh ... First, i don't think I have someone who is truly and genuinely interested. Second, I fear attachment! The last time I tried to detach from my close friends emotionally, it was close to a...