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Can't believe that words could make my limps go weak like this. All of a sudden I feel the draining of energy from my body. I feel weak and demoralized. Can't believe that I have been wrong all this while. I have been wrong in the belief that I have been appreciated for what I have done. But it is merely a misconception! Maybe all this while I have been seen as the opposite. And now at this point I am wondering whether I should continue my own way, or just take a conventional route! It sucks feeling underappreciated. And worse still it sucks feeling "betrayed".

It hurts to the very core!

My Story

It was my first day for the new term at University of Cambodia, yet I was already 15 minutes late, no thanks to the heavy traffic congestion. Upon arrival at the door of Prasat Banteay Kdei, I came to an abrupt halt for some minutes to catch my breath before I turned the doorknob.

The old wooden door creaked open, and I could feel the hush that suddenly fell upon the entire class. All eyes were upon me. Though I was feeling ashamed to the core, I still managed to give an apologetic bow to the lecturer whose disapproval was evident on his face despite his failed attempt to conceal it. I quickly navigated my way through the space-deprived aisle towards the furthest end of the room where one empty chair was perching expectantly. It was before long after I settled down that the lecture was resumed once again.

Everyone seemed to be absorbed in the discussion about what Civil Law embraced. At least most of them did. From where I was sitting rather uncomfortably, I could indistinctively hear the disturbing snoring-like noise. Given the fact that I was far from the board, I could barely discern the verbal lecture which was being given. The incessant noise, therefore, made the lecture even less audible. It took me some good minutes to figure out where the noise came from. Swivelling around, I rest my eyes upon one of the female students one row behind mine, and to my disbelief, she was literally sound asleep in spite of the "harsh" conditions that the classroom had got to offer. With her right hand pillaring her masked face, and her eyes shut tight, she was snoring away in a carefree manner. Unbelievable!

As though she had sensed being watched, she woke up with a start. I was quick enough to turn away and pretended not to have noticed her. After some rustling sounds behind my back, I stole a furtive glance back at her again. This time my jaw dropped open. She had cleared her notebooks and other stationeries from her desk to make room for a nice comforting spot upon which she rest her head. This is truly unbelievable!...(to be continued)

Remorse after too much facebooking...

There were a number of occasions when I dumped what had been written here in a trash bin though I was just about one click away from posting it for the public display. And there were other occasions when I felt the upsurge to blog but was at a complete loss of words to say. And of course there were occasions when I was struck by profound remorse for having posted too personal information.

But on none of those occasions did the idea of giving up blogging ever cross my mind. And thanks to blogging, a lot of moments from my life have been recorded, rememembered, and shared with friends, acquaintances, and the world. Blogging, you are more than just a hobby I do to kill time. However, you are a friend whom I feel so comfortable sharing with. You are always there to listen to me, you always listen to my every story, some of which are so lame and some heart-wrenching. You teach me an important lesson in life, and that is: Do not be ashamed to be true to yourself!

Dry Noodles

Was at the Lucky Supermarket last night. Was trying to look for this type of packaged instant dry noodles. Suddenly my stomach really craved for it! Too bad I could not remember what it was called, so had to spend a hard time browsing through the shelves. And the Lucky guy was of little help. I asked him loads of questions, but he could not manage to give me any satisfactory answers.

I still remember the taste on the tip of my tongue. Though the last time i ate that type of noodles was years back when i was in Singapore, the taste still lingered there. But then there was nothing specially good about the taste. I just missed it, though.

Anyway, after some good minutes of my time were wasted searching for the noodles, I had no choice but to pick the thai dry noodles instead. Well the taste was not the same, but at least it was not too bad! My bro even gave two thumbs up for that! Will have to go buy more this time!

A good oldie is richer in taste...

highs and lows

Gosh! I dunno what is happening to me! Been plagued by the highs and lows of my emotions! Could not discover what the cause is! Can't believe that despite the fact that now school has resumed, I still let all the unhealthy irrational thoughts clog up my brain. What am I unhappy about? And why all this loneliness, all of a sudden? I really think I must think of something to look forward to! But what can I look forward to? Cannot think of one! Nothing is crossing my mind right now besides this sudden upsurge of overwhelming emotions! Hate it when i get emotional, but can't help it too! Kinda feel there is a big hollow void within me! And it has nothing to do with love, i am sure. Oh man!! It sucks feeling this way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

......

I am just one week away from being thrown back into the hustle and bustle of IFL life, and though my Battambang trip just ended yesterday, I am already feeling restless and maybe aimless at the same time. Well it's all about how I feel lately. Guess being too free kinda explains why. But during a time like this, it would be a really uplift of spirit if my friends showed signs of care. Maybe it is not so much about attention and care that I crave for. It should be more about my knowledge that they are always there should I need them that matters. Too bad I am not feeling that way right now! It has been almost three weeks since we last met, yet I do not even receive an sms or a call from any of them. Well, it is probably always me who has to be the ice-breaker. But sometimes I find it sickening! Ok maybe they are overwhelmed with too many things now, or maybe they just simply do not give a damn about it! And when I am under this impression, I cannot help but feel kinda disappointed.

So is friendship like a tree? Growing and growing and growing until it reaches one point when it will no longer grow but will wither instead?

Lonely...

Another rainy day! Dunno why I am feeling so lonely all of a sudden, and dunno who to turn to either. Maybe it is the weather. Or maybe it is the songs. Dunno why exactly! I hate it when loneliness keeps me company. And there is nothing that could lift my spirit at this instant. So though it is late over here (8: 00pm), I have to write sth here. At least it helps when I can pour things out of my head. Well, guess the rain does more than just flood the streets. It, in fact, also sets perfect mood for making your stomach twist and turn for certain reasons. Hope I will feel better soon...