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Monday, March 31, 2014

... the smell of April

Well, if you have read my blog long enough, you probably have come across an article about my belief in Fenghui. Yes, that's right--Fengshui! Judge me all you like, but I have been there and done that--I used to be the so-called "man for himself" believing in hard work and commitment and judging people who embrace superstition and Fengshui as people with excuses. Now however, I have let Fengshui become part of my "life manual". I don't necessarily put my future solely in the hands of Fengshui. Of course hard work and committment play a larger role. But I now believe that there is a higher power, power beyond anything human, power that affects--though not necessarily controls--life. Anyways, to cut a long story short, the Fengshui book has said that March is a month of misfortune and April is when everything falls into place and my life hits a jackpot.

It's the 31st of March, and though I am just about 9 hours away from the dawn of April, I already feel energetic and positive in so many ways. I have got some good news along the way, and what appeared to be a knot in my head yesterday, so dark and so negative, somehow has been untied. It's like, I woke up this morning feeling that I can face and solve any problems, any problems at all in the world. March? It was a living hell for me! My aunt passed away. My mom got surgery. I got some problems at work. I was the loneliest I could be in recent time. Argue all you want about Fengshui, but you gotta admit that there are certain days that nothing seems to go right for you, and that you start to wonder if it is some other dark force that is responsible for this. 

Anyways, I have a really good feeling about April. I can't wait for it to unfold itself into actuality with all the blossoming flowery good things that are in store for you. 

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Bottled Up?

Well, I have felt that a lot are bottled up inside me, and finding a means to let it out has never been more difficult. I remember resorting to Facebook as a platform where I can let thoughts wander off. But now? Nope. I just can't do that anymore! The truth is the moment my status gets a little personal and "deep", people start coming up with all sorts of comments of how "drama-queen-like" I am. Plus, I don't think stripping yourself off the guard and therefore leaving yourself naked with vulnerability does me any good anymore. At least i've got the Instagram, though! I do write about my thoughts and feelings once in a while, yes, but given how limited in number of words each text allows, it has never been comfortable either! Talking everything out? Nahhhhhhhhh ... First, i don't think I have someone who is truly and genuinely interested. Second, I fear attachment! The last time I tried to detach from my close friends emotionally, it was close to a living hell, so I am not going to let anyone--apart from my family--affect me so much with their presence and attitude.

Then of course there is this blogging thingie! I am so grateful that it hasn't been removed or something after being abandoned for so long. Well, a lot of things are not going right for me, and the worst is probably how lonely I am feeling right now. It's not like I wake up every morning feeling lonely day in and day out. No. But sometimes especially on weekends, it is getting harder to get by alone. Yes, i love going to movies alone. Yes, basketball helps, not to mention the soothing oil massage. But after a while, these develop as part of the expected routine. And as you know it very well, the thing about routine is after a while, it loses the excitement! I do read self-help articles about ways to deal with loneliness and depression. Most of them are things i have been doing! I think i need to pick up new hobbies for weekends, hobbies I can do alone. 

Well, don't get me wrong! I, in fact, have been positive in terms of thoughts and actions recently. I don't sweat small stuffs anymore. I love without wanting to possess. I let go of attachment. I focus more on my goals and family. I do get emotional sometimes, yes, but it fades away as quickly as it comes. Well, a few breakups, losses and torn friendships make people grow faster than they should, you know! That's what has happened to me.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

A dream or a wish?

They say a dream is a wish that your heart makes. Is that true?

I was giving you a piggyback ride, and even if it was in my dream, my heart was pounding with joy as you were clinging onto my back so tightly. I couldn't remember where we were going, or why because I guess it didn't matter. My head only chose to remember the ride, the laughter, and the intimacy we shared, and nothing else. When I woke up with a start, I couldn't help but beam widely the whole time. It felt silly to have dreamed of such a thing, but at the same time, wasn't it magical to actually get to experience something before you even have a chance to in real life? 

:)

Friday, March 15, 2013

Reply me ASAP--AND I MEAN IT!

Some say I am patient; others see me as the opposite. I guess it is hard to say I am which one. It really depends on the context we are talking about. Well, if--let's say--i were to wait for a text reply from someone, i would say "impatient" is underrated. In the worst scenario, I can lose my temper and you can virtually see smoke coming out of my ears.

Admittedly, I am one of those people who keeps my phone with me almost all the time except, of course, for that short period of time in the bathroom. So it takes me seconds to run my fingers on the screen and touch the "Send" button unless the reply is a serious business that requires serious time to give a thorough thought to. To some people, especially ladies, they take forever to reply when you ask them on a movie outing. And I am not talking about movie dates! Because I believe it is understandable if they take a little longer to decide whether they should or should not go with me on a movie date for fear of being judged as "easy", but if it is just a friendly, platonic meetup, I cannot see why they take decades to reply. And worse, before they even give you the answer straightaway, they also make sure they get you on the verge of being pissed first by torturing you with a string of LAME questions.

Jeez ... they really get on my nerves! They make a movie outing such a daunting task! Are girls always like that?

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Shades, baby ...

Here I am again ... WOOT WOOT ...

I don't know about others but for me, I usually blog when I am sad lol, and the reason why I haven't blogged for a while is pretty much obvious--I just haven't been sad enough lol, which apparently is a good thing.
Then I am sure you are probably thinking, "Ahhhh, now you must be sad, or you wouldn't be here".

WROOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNG

I have been--literally--in this room for 6 hours straight. SIX FREAKINGGGGGG HOURSSSSSSSS. You can imagine how bored to death I am of the whole environment. Thanks to my mobile hotspot, I am able to get access to the internet lol.

Anyways, just a quick update. I got the first-ever sunglasses lol. Well, you might go, " What's the big deal?" Let me tell you--it is a huge deal! You see, for someone like me, someone short-sighted, wearing sunglasses instead of those specs is a dream. And finally my dream has come true! Now every time I drive, I wish there would be more sun lol so that I can just put my sunglasses on. Honestly, I feel like one of those superheroes from Avengers lol. The truth is I am really looking forward to wearing them at the beach this weekend. I am gonna be smoking hot, baby. SMOKING.

So ... this is just a quick update about my life lol ... the sunglasses, yeah!


Friday, January 11, 2013

Dark force ...

Recently my mood swings like crazy, and it affects everything I do and everyone I meet. Well, I usually find myself making a mountain out of a small mole. You see, the thing with this mood is it somehow manages to hit the "Silent" button, and then there I go again: the crappy thoughts keep squeezing their way through into my brain. One thing leads to another and before I know it, imaginary problems with size of a mountain take form. Why do the "silent" mode and why the crappy thoughts? I don't know!!! After some time I am almost convinced that these have something to do with "superior" power? The movement of some unlucky stars into the so-called "life chart"? I know this makes little sense to you, and probably it gets you thinking, "First, Fengshui, and now THIS?" Well, I read books related to astrology and craps like that, and some even predict the kind of things and problems that might occur according to certain months because of some movements of some stars into your chart. I am almost convinced there is a dark aura or force or something. Sighs ... 

Monday, January 7, 2013

Grrrrrrrr...

Whoa ... It has been almost two months since I last poured my thoughts into written words here. Well ... I don't really know what I was really up to. Too many late and tipsy nights, maybe? Anyways, I guess I only turn to you, Bloggie, when I really really cannot contain it anymore inside my chest! Yeah, IT--whatever strong, sudden and impulsive feeling that is! The truth is this is the 7th day of 2013 or more like the 8th because it's one hour past 12AM already. It is dark and cold. These last 7 days have been more torturing than usual. Yeah, at least, they eat away at those tiny little organs that keep me alive. I hate it when people call me "pathetic"! OK! Let's get this straight! I have issues, and I am not happy-go-lucky all the time. I get angry easily. I complain a lot. But for you to call my life "pathetic"? THAT IS JUST OFFENSIVE! And I take it very personally! After all, it's my life, and it's not like, any of you would go extra miles to help me find my own bliss. So to hear my life story and say it is pathetic offends me BIG TIME! It is something to do with trust! I confide in you, you listen, and you don't make judgmental statements like that!