Grieving

Grieving is very important and super healthy. At least, that's how it works for me. That is how I deal with losses, not necessarily only of loved ones, but also of opportunities that I have high hopes for. There is a saying that goes: "Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst". The truth is you can never prepare for the worst! And you can never lower your expectations to the point where you don't get disappointed with the results if they turn out to be different from what you want. However, instead of cutting yourself off from the world to grieve--it could be a day or two or a little longer, some manage to put on a smile and try to convince themselves they are okay because they are prepared EMOTIONALLY even though clearly nobody can prepare feelings for anything. Feelings are not items you can put on the shelf for public display once you are happy or pack them back in the box once  your mood swings to the darker thoughts. Admit you feel sad! Admit you feel disappointed! Admit all that! Because the only way you can get a clear head and move on is through your utter honesty with yourself!

This is where grieving comes in! To me, grieving is the process by which you communicate with your inner thoughts, and in this case, it could be your disappointment, your sadness, your dying hope, your sudden drain of mental energy, or the combination of all. Usually I don't talk to people when I am that messed up in my head because I have tried and most of the time, they have made everything worse--with the best intentions at heart, though. Some would be so angry and would push me to give up and move on. Others would try to show more empathy, which somehow would only put me in a place where I would feel so weak and insecure. So I need to be on my own, just me and my thoughts. 

Because my mental and emotional beings are already at stake, I feel the urge to take care of my physical being first. I would normally start off with the super relaxing two-hour oil massage. Trust me it still feels magical despite how sneaky those disappointing thoughts could once in a while squeeze their way through my head. Then I would eat my favourite food: hot wings! The hotter, the better! The wings are so spicy and good at the same time that I almost feel happy at times as some research says spicy foods create endorphins which are the chemical substances in the brain that boost your mood. A massage and hot wings aren't complete without a good laugh at the cinema! 

Depending how huge your disappointment is, these tricks are only distractions, and yes, they are part of the grieving process! I would normally need to have a conversation with my brain. This is the only way i could have closure with myself and with this issue at hand! I would go to a coffee shop, preferably one with see-through glass panes that overlook beautiful scenery, and in this case, the riverside Gloria Jeans' Coffee Shop. People who have been there clearly know the breathtaking view I am talking about! This kind of scenic beauty sort of gives my thoughts freedom to wander. The last thing I want right there is for my mind to be trapped in an enclosed space. Then I would start reflecting on the whole process of what went wrong. I would ask myself a lot of questions until I get to the point where: Do I give up now or is there more I can give? 

In this case, nope, I am not ready to give up just yet! I think if i haven't failed yet … not until I give up, and I am angry and disappointed and sad, but in a way, I am motivated, and I know what areas I have to work on! I'll give it one more shot! I'd love to see how it goes!

I'm done grieving!