Whine whine and whine some more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My brain is still in an overdrive mode. It is crazy how my brain will not stop thinking about work. I used to be able to manage work-life balance really well. But these past few months ever since I got the new role, and with the sheer amount of responsibility and decision that is dumped on me, I feel like I am barely gasping for air. So yeah, that is probably why a few nights ago, I thought of blogging. I can write my thoughts into words any way I want and in any lengthy, dramatic manner I want. I mean, if you see my Facebook, you will know it is now a public page! Yup, you would not have seen it coming right? I post pictures and work-related content. There is barely any trace of my personal life left up there, except for the bits and crumbs of the parts I want to show people. So in other words, I cannot whine! And now that I am living in BMC, away from family and friends, with frenemies all around me, with people I can barely trust, I bottle a lot of things up. But well, I guess that is what grownups do, especially when you are still single as fuck! Right, you would have thought I should be at least dating now? But nope! I mean, I seriously choose sleep over socializing more often than not. And oh yeah, most of my friends are either married or going to be. So they have their own personal space. So do my two brothers and their little families! I am whining, yeah! That is the whole point of blogging, right? I mean, I have ONE reader--shout out to Pheary! So yeah, what was I saying? Oh, overwhelmed with the new role, away from family and friends, single as fuck. My life is pretty much 90% work and 10% sleep! I love my work, you see! But what I do not like about it is how sometimes it invades my personal private weekend time. That is the kinda work I shoulder . I excel at it! Oh wait, not exactly. I mean, it is all new to me, but I am really good at learning it and getting my hands dirty with it. Well, maybe because I have all the time and attention in the world to jump headfirst into it, I get better at it. You know what they say, whatever you focus on expands. So yeah, this has been what I have focused on for the past one and a half year. It is like night and day when it comes to when I first got there and where I am now! The good thing, though, is me realizing that a good night sleep and a walk in the woods or up the mountain can totally flip my view of the whole view! It is that simple, but when it comes rushing in waves towards you, it is almost unbearable. I am handling this big case right now! This is Day 3. Yesterday I came across pieces and bits of some information that proved useful, and yet after I verified them with professionals, it turned out that as much as I had hoped I was right, I was not! So I had to rule out that assumption and start at square one. It was in a moment like this that I beat myself up, and if I could not manage the spiral negative thoughts that take charge, before I know it, I might find myself in the bottom of the pit of hopelessness again. With growth mindset, practice of gratitude, and self-compassion, I manage to keep the stress at bay. But then if I wear myself a little too much, or I get less than 6 hours of sleep the night before, the waves turn into tsunamis in my head! I try not to host my own Pity Party, but when your days are bad, you just cannot help yourself stooping so low, and enjoy the oblivion of it all, being the center of the world, feeling that everyone has something against you, feeling entitled as to "I do not deserve this", letting ego take you by the horns. Anyway, will whine again soon. I cannot stay longer bending over just to type on my computer. That is what 30s do to your back, people!