Riding Through it All ...

So Ma students are so engrossed in slaving away at their hands for the test that they take no heeds of what I am up to now! Slumping rather uncomfortably into this wooden chair, i let my thoughts wander off. Everything comes squeezing into my little brain all at once: ma career path, ma love life, ma friendship, and my family. And at this point I am feeling the so-called "plateau effect" ... It's like what I discern from here is just this flat barren wilderness with vastness of such an immensity that will eventually wears out any lost wanderers like me. I do not see any promising futures in any forms nearby. And I start to panic and look around to see what I can do to land myself somewhere safer and somewhere more comfy. And I am still searching! Yes, it scares the hell out of me! It does! Sent from my iPhone

Oh man!!! As i am writing this, I still feel the upsurge of the emotions! For the first time in my life, i actually cried happy tears! This is like the biggest gift ever. I am just so happy seeing how both of them have made it this far though i have to admit i was very surprised. I dun think i can fall asleep tonight. It's like everything is being replayed one more time in my head. And reflecting back, everything just fits perfectly to form one complete jigsaw! LOL, and i just cant believe how good they have always been at keeping it a secret despite the fact that we have been so close to one another and have been sharing almost every single secret we have! Wish you two all best. Love you two :))

I lost a best friend! And yeah it sucks! But I think I tried hard enough to keep this going and now finally came the time when I had to let go ...

Well, I have just gulped down the whole glassful of coffee milk, and as a matter of fact, this is the second intake. I have always grown attached to coffee milk, something people might usually plaster a label as "an act of a coffee addict". But then this is not the whole point of this entry! Well, I am supposed to have a reunion lunch with my seniors and batchmates from singapore at 12, and this means I have one full hour of luxury before the set time. "Luxury" might not be an overstated noun since I am anything but having fun slumping into this hard wooden chair exposed to the 11 o'clock heat that is beating on me so hard that I wish I could drink something iced more--though I know I have done too much drinking for the past two hours or so. Anyways, I am occupying this seat one table away from this celebrity! I know he is a singer and his name is just on the tip of my tongue! He resembles Meas Saly but I am certain he is not. Grrr.... Never mind!!! I'll ju

I guess this is my very first time blogging on mobile in the class while there are 30 worried-looking faces before me with eyes glued to the thick stacks of test papers on their desks. I have to admit that I am feeling genuinely relaxed slumping on my wooden chair--though, needless to day, it is anything soft and comfy by nature. To ease things even further, the rain outside is drizzling gently before smashing itself onto the hard earth, breaking into smaller watery droplets. The bad thing, though, is the fact that the moment I dash out of this room unsheltered by my umbrella, I will be soaked through ... Damn it!!! Everytime I sense it's gonna rain--and as a result, bring my umbrella along, it never does! But when I don't, it all comes down as angry heavenly drops! Is it cos of the changing unreliable sky, or is it my poor sky reading skill that should be blamed?? Well whatever the case is, I think it will wet my pants@@

What do u do when your friends are all tied up to something in the heat of the Saturday noon? the answer is, "Silly, get your butts somewhere and dig in your lunch--whatever the shit is, bread, porridge or chicken fried rice!" And yeah, here I am eating it, not shit, though, but this tasteless meatball porridge which costs way too much more than it should, given its dish presentation and the quality! And yeah, and here comes the self-pity part! Well I haven't found myself caught up in the whole I-am-the-loneliest-person-on-the-entire-planet crap for a while, but this time despite my internal resistance, I am still dragged headfirst into it! I just can't seem to be on good terms with rejection--however small it might be. Sometimes I let the things in my head get the best of me, and I start to doubt if others do all this mental thinking as much ad I do@@ anyways, craps!!!!! My porridge gets dried up!!!

I am waiting at Alibaba and this is a lunch gathering! Well been lunching out a lot lately, much to the disapproval from my mum. She always wants me tj eat lunch at home! You know how mothers are like, yeah? I actually do love to rush back home after my morning sessions at IFL to lunch and to take a delicious nap afterwards, but the thing about going back home jn the noon is that I can never get my head into the school-related tasks m supposed to be engrossed in. I always end up feeling too drowsy to even give a damn about it or too distracted by all those shows on StarWorld. Anyways been wAiting for half an hour now, not because they are late but because I am too early!

It is 1: 11 AM in my dimly-lit bedroom! Usually at this time of the night, i feel at ease and relaxed, but definitely not tonight! I am feeling kinda stressed and tense, esp after the heated conversation on Facebook, and the sad phone call i received! So i end up blogging about my feeling, since i cannot share with anybody at this time of the night. Well, i have no idea what i am caught up in, and what i am witnessing! But i think it all becomes crystal clear now, and i have never expected things to turn out this way. I cannot help much, or maybe not at all! All i can do is just to stand on one side and wish this soon would pass!

Happy Mother's Day! Well, despite the fact that i am planning to buy my mum a cake and to give her a hug later on, I do not have any major plans! And after driving around for some time, here i am at Blue Pumpkin with strangers again. The view of the riverside is quite nice at this time, and sitting alone does not seem so bad at all! At the very least, i can see people across the street jogging, and some just simply sitting on the benches. The thing about this place is that 10 out of 10 times, there is no available space for my car parking. So today, i had no choice except to park my car somewhere near the Royal Palace and walk all the way from there. The walk was good, though! It did help loosen up my tense muscles, and yeah, it helped relieve the built-up stress.

This is Sat, and well, it's 6 30pm! I was driving around, and finally after some time of aimless driving, I stopped for a drink at Brown, the usual Green Tea Frappe, the refreshing one! Well, it is not so bad though i am surrounded by strangers, but at the very least, technically, i am not alone... And yeah, Brown is definitely not the place to do any works! It is just too crowded to even allow some moments for your brain to properly take a breath. But yeah, i guess people come here more to hang out and just to kill the time like what i am doing right now than to actually become any productive here...

Following one long week of sleep deprivation, here i am, SICK! As if the week-long fatigue and the frustrating runny nose were not ruining my life enough, I still do suffer from what i call this disease of "blanking out"! And without a proper make-up break solely dedicated for sleep, I am sure it is just a matter of weeks before I forget everyone's names @.@

I am at Brown 1, and the funny thing about it is that 6 out of 10 times that I chill out here, i bump into people I know, some of whom are friends and some others are acquaintances. Likewise, this time I am occupying the seat, my favourite seat, which is very close to the entrance glass door, and from where I am slumping so comfortably, I can at the same time enjoy the various displays of scenes just right outside through the glass pane. And i happen to be sitting just one seat away from this couple whom i get to recognize on IFL campus, but whom I never get a chance or means to interact with. I know the guy's name, though! His name is Sousachak! And i guess--taking into account the intimate way of how he interacts with the girl sharing the seat with him--the girl is his girlfriend! I am positive that he knows me as well, seeing me on and off quite often on campus too, but there are no signs indicating the embarrassment at all! Embarrassment because of the fact that he is so glued

I attended Mov's sis's wedding last night, and it felt good to be able to catch up with bong Hok, Sreyleak, Leang, and bong Meng again. It felt just like one of those olden days when i was a lot younger and a lot more innocent and when i looked up to them as my fraternal brothers. Anyways I happened to share this table with this newly-wedded couple. There was nothing particularly special about them despite the fact that they are young, as young as i am, and they are married! I secretly observed how both of them interacted, and i could feel the chill running up my arms. I could feel the sweetness coming out from those little words they said to each other, from those mere gaze in each other's eyes. All the while, i thought to myself, "Well, getting married at that young age isn't bad at all!" And then it made me brood over this concept that the older you get, the more about the romantic elements are lost!

"Stuck in the past" ... "nothing new"... "stuck in the past"..."nothing new"... "stuck in the past"... It gets so lame now! I feel i have been struggling all along all alone to cherish nothing but "forgettable" memories... Oh dear God! The word like "feel" and "memories" sound lame too! Maybe the time has finally come, the time to let go! It is damn tiring to hold so tightly onto something all alone when others have already loosened their grip... damn tiring indeed! I think I have centered my life around it for so long that it is almost a mere impossibility to picture my life without it, but then it gets to the point where everything about it is so upsetting that letting go is a smarter choice... It is probably a lot easier to lead a more self-centered, selfish life... People are selfish! Friends are selfish! I am at this point in life where i learn that while friends can count on me, I can't count on t

Life has been hectic for the first twenty days of 2011, and I can barely have a breather to gasp for fresh air, but as a matter of fact, though I am having a bit of difficulty managing time efficiently, I have to admit that I love the way these things keep me busy and focused. Besides, I am feeling a whole lot more productive each time I put a tick to the task completed! I find myself smiling a lot lately, not because there is anything particularly uplifting happening in my life, but more because I believe in the philosophy that when you smile, everyone smiles with you, and not at you. With the dawn of the new year, it instills in me the faith in the power of positive thinking. I start to realize that maybe--just maybe--there is nothing particularly good or bad about a thing; it is bad or good simply due to how you filter it through your analytical brain. Talking about being analytical, there are times when being less analytical helps more! I am the kind of person who breaks a block of