Riding Through it All ...

I am placing my right hand on my chest, and I can feel my heart beating underneath the ribs. Heartbeats. Irregular heartbeats. It was an overwhelming week for me. Or weeks. I am being very observing of these parts of my body. The organs. The cells. I am observing how they are responding to this chemical substance that is responsible for the sadness I am feeling. It is strange how fleeting images of certain people--certain scenes from my life--flash right before my eyes. When I am clearly digesting that one single line from the book. When I am concentrating on that heart-wrenching murder scene. When I am distractedly gazing at my shaking hand. I keep feeling my heartbeat. I keep noticing my breathing. Is that how a heartache feels like? 

My two-day getaway trip just ended, and here I am, all by myself, doing the things I love. I love the fact that Phnom Penh has that laid-back, lazy, holiday-ish mood to it now that people have not returned from their respective destinations. Anyway, I just took great pleasure in reading PM's second post on her private blog, and I was sincerely happy seeing that she made the effort to be active on her second blog (3rd? 4th?). She wrote about friends not having the traits she desired. I got over that for quite some time now! And I have come to the realisation that these friends are like missing pieces of the jigsaw. You take one piece from this friend and another from that friend to fit everything together to form a complete jigsaw. The important thing is the knowledge of which friend plays his part best in which scenario. There is a saying that goes, "You can't expect a bird to hold and a hand to fly". It is true in every way! A bird can fly, and a hand can hold.

Everyday at work is a behavioural experiment to me. I try new persona and observe and see what work in what situations and what don't. I guess I have always been very observing from the start, and I have that empathy that draws me to people with troubling problems! While a lot of people communicate at ease, others find it hard to just lock eyes and strike a conversation. As a teacher, I did tap into that skill of mine, but not to the point where i myself have to try on new persona.  I know I have a pair of attentive ears! I am that friend who listens to your problems and makes you feel appreciated. But then that was it! At one point I thought that empathy that was built in me was more of a curse than a blessing because of the long history I had with friends. Not until quite recently did I learn that I could put it to use in the work environment as well--though with caution.  What I do is I prey upon those with vulnerabilities, those with pressing issues, and you know wh

Grieving is very important and super healthy. At least, that's how it works for me. That is how I deal with losses, not necessarily only of loved ones, but also of opportunities that I have high hopes for. There is a saying that goes: "Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst". The truth is you can never prepare for the worst! And you can never lower your expectations to the point where you don't get disappointed with the results if they turn out to be different from what you want. However, instead of cutting yourself off from the world to grieve--it could be a day or two or a little longer, some manage to put on a smile and try to convince themselves they are okay because they are prepared EMOTIONALLY even though clearly nobody can prepare feelings for anything. Feelings are not items you can put on the shelf for public display once you are happy or pack them back in the box once  your mood swings to the darker thoughts. Admit you feel sad! Admit you feel disapp

Let me get this straight: I am not the self-help-book person! I do not go to a bookstore, hurry to the "Self-Help" Section, glimpse through the covers of the new arrivals on the shelf, and buy one home! At least … not before I read "Act Like a Success, Think Like a Success".  It was one of those days when I was off the hook from work, and as part of my routine, before watching a movie, I would walk into The Monument Bookstore, just one floor below the cinema. I had no particular book in mind then, but even if I did, I would not be willing to spend money on any when I could get access to plenty of free pirated ebooks (thanks for not judging me). The widely-beaming bald man with super white teeth and in a suit-and-tie fashion was staring straight at me from the cover of a book as I took a few steps closer to the shelf. I had known Steve Harvey ever since I started watching those talk shows, and who wouldn't have when his name was always associated with The

I am turning 28 in three weeks, and I am still single. I am sure you can probably imagine the growing frustration at every dinner table during my catch-up reunion dinners. When a lot of your friends are either married or--at the very least, dating, and you are neither, they probe you like you are some sort of an interesting subject of a life science experiment. They start putting you on the spot and scrutinising you as if there was something quite dangerously wrong about you. At first, I attempt to open up and walk them through the reasons why I am not dating, not that I do not have a chance. But the funny thing is no matter how truthful you are willing to be with them, they still refuse to digest the reasons, and prefer to stick to their own skepticisms. After a while, I just give up on the explanations. I am dedicating this post to those friends and acquaintances of mine who genuinely want to find out why I am still single. Should this discussion pop up at any dinner tables in t

I am here today because i just finished reading Gaara's latest post, and as ALWAYS, the sadness and nostalgia are splashed all over. But if there is one thing I can take away from the entry, it has to be the fact that he has always been around here, on the other side of the fence of the writing world. The lengthy, more detailed, but less popular side. Without his dedication and commitment for blogging, I might have given up on blogging too. Yup! You heard me right--though I hate to give him credits for that! Anyways, every time before I blog, I always read his posts. Now imagine having nothing to read EVER from him--no matter how lame he can sometimes get! So yeah, I owe a great deal to him for being that source of blogging inspiration he has always been since Day 1. Because of this, I would like to WASTE this particular entry on him: The Gaara Sand! Flashing back to 2004, I met this guy! He was a nerd from head to toe. Everything about him screamed "NERD". His gla