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Showing posts from 2009

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Can't believe that words could make my limps go weak like this. All of a sudden I feel the draining of energy from my body. I feel weak and demoralized. Can't believe that I have been wrong all this while. I have been wrong in the belief that I have been appreciated for what I have done. But it is merely a misconception! Maybe all this while I have been seen as the opposite. And now at this point I am wondering whether I should continue my own way, or just take a conventional route! It sucks feeling underappreciated. And worse still it sucks feeling "betrayed". It hurts to the very core!

My Story

It was my first day for the new term at University of Cambodia, yet I was already 15 minutes late, no thanks to the heavy traffic congestion. Upon arrival at the door of Prasat Banteay Kdei, I came to an abrupt halt for some minutes to catch my breath before I turned the doorknob. The old wooden door creaked open, and I could feel the hush that suddenly fell upon the entire class. All eyes were upon me. Though I was feeling ashamed to the core, I still managed to give an apologetic bow to the lecturer whose disapproval was evident on his face despite his failed attempt to conceal it. I quickly navigated my way through the space-deprived aisle towards the furthest end of the room where one empty chair was perching expectantly. It was before long after I settled down that the lecture was resumed once again. Everyone seemed to be absorbed in the discussion about what Civil Law embraced. At least most of them did. From where I was sitting rather uncomfortably, I could indistinctively hear

Remorse after too much facebooking...

There were a number of occasions when I dumped what had been written here in a trash bin though I was just about one click away from posting it for the public display. And there were other occasions when I felt the upsurge to blog but was at a complete loss of words to say. And of course there were occasions when I was struck by profound remorse for having posted too personal information. But on none of those occasions did the idea of giving up blogging ever cross my mind. And thanks to blogging, a lot of moments from my life have been recorded, rememembered, and shared with friends, acquaintances, and the world. Blogging, you are more than just a hobby I do to kill time. However, you are a friend whom I feel so comfortable sharing with. You are always there to listen to me, you always listen to my every story, some of which are so lame and some heart-wrenching. You teach me an important lesson in life, and that is: Do not be ashamed to be true to yourself!

Dry Noodles

Was at the Lucky Supermarket last night. Was trying to look for this type of packaged instant dry noodles. Suddenly my stomach really craved for it! Too bad I could not remember what it was called, so had to spend a hard time browsing through the shelves. And the Lucky guy was of little help. I asked him loads of questions, but he could not manage to give me any satisfactory answers. I still remember the taste on the tip of my tongue. Though the last time i ate that type of noodles was years back when i was in Singapore, the taste still lingered there. But then there was nothing specially good about the taste. I just missed it, though. Anyway, after some good minutes of my time were wasted searching for the noodles, I had no choice but to pick the thai dry noodles instead. Well the taste was not the same, but at least it was not too bad! My bro even gave two thumbs up for that! Will have to go buy more this time! A good oldie is richer in taste...

highs and lows

Gosh! I dunno what is happening to me! Been plagued by the highs and lows of my emotions! Could not discover what the cause is! Can't believe that despite the fact that now school has resumed, I still let all the unhealthy irrational thoughts clog up my brain. What am I unhappy about? And why all this loneliness, all of a sudden? I really think I must think of something to look forward to! But what can I look forward to? Cannot think of one! Nothing is crossing my mind right now besides this sudden upsurge of overwhelming emotions! Hate it when i get emotional, but can't help it too! Kinda feel there is a big hollow void within me! And it has nothing to do with love, i am sure. Oh man!! It sucks feeling this way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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I am just one week away from being thrown back into the hustle and bustle of IFL life, and though my Battambang trip just ended yesterday, I am already feeling restless and maybe aimless at the same time. Well it's all about how I feel lately. Guess being too free kinda explains why. But during a time like this, it would be a really uplift of spirit if my friends showed signs of care. Maybe it is not so much about attention and care that I crave for. It should be more about my knowledge that they are always there should I need them that matters. Too bad I am not feeling that way right now! It has been almost three weeks since we last met, yet I do not even receive an sms or a call from any of them. Well, it is probably always me who has to be the ice-breaker. But sometimes I find it sickening! Ok maybe they are overwhelmed with too many things now, or maybe they just simply do not give a damn about it! And when I am under this impression, I cannot help but feel kinda disappointed.

Lonely...

Another rainy day! Dunno why I am feeling so lonely all of a sudden, and dunno who to turn to either. Maybe it is the weather. Or maybe it is the songs. Dunno why exactly! I hate it when loneliness keeps me company. And there is nothing that could lift my spirit at this instant. So though it is late over here (8: 00pm), I have to write sth here. At least it helps when I can pour things out of my head. Well, guess the rain does more than just flood the streets. It, in fact, also sets perfect mood for making your stomach twist and turn for certain reasons. Hope I will feel better soon...

Grad Day 2009: 05/09/09

It's Graduation Day for the 17th batch tomorrow at IFL. I cannot believe that it has been one year since I graduated from IFL. Join me to congratulate them all!!! It is a new beginning of another life engery-sucking journey that some of them might, while some others might not, be ready to endure. Stripping off the old status as a student, the fresh graduates have to slip into the work suits, attached to which are so many informal norms and rules which are not taught at school, but which are supposed to be learnt over the course of their daily work lives. It is time they step out of the comfort zone to explore the reality, a harsher side of the reality! They all have my blessings!!!!

him

I was gazing at him without his knowledge. And for the first time in twenty one years, I noticed how much he had aged. His thinning hair and wrinkle lines started to be even more evident under the direct reflection of the florescent light. A closer scrutiny revealed scars on his face, each accompanied with a heroic story I would never get tired of hearing over and over and over again. He was smiling broadly, and all of a sudden I felt a big lump in my throat. Tears were swimming in my eyes. I did not know why I was on the verge of tears for no reason. But I was quick enough to turn sideways and wipe them away. Taking a deep breath to ease things up a bit, I started laughing along with the rest. Sometimes it takes a lot of guts to show or tell your dad about how you feel. Men are not meant to be susceptible to diplaying emotions, especially when it involves showing how grateful and warm to be raised by your dad. And despite how harsh you could be sometimes to your dad, your dad is alwa

A little update

Lately I have been putting up videos and pics for public display, but only on a few occassions did I plaster the computer screen with my writing. Though I am being driven at this very point by the upsurge of desire to just pick up a topic and write freely about it, I am at a complete loss for topics to write. Ok! I think I am going to utilize self-questioning strategies to help me out in the same way I ask my WS1 students to. Let's start with: How do I feel? A simple question like this can be quite tough to answer. I am not sure whether I am on top of the world about something, nor am I sure whether I am depressed about anything. Basically life has been treating me quite well, though not as well as I expect. And there are no tragic incidents or the like that leave wounds in me--emotionally and physically. But to say that I am leading a blissful life right now is definitely overrated. It is true that I used to feel so "unproductive", but I do not feel this way anymore. I d

A good oldie...

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My Role Play 2006

They say that life is not about how many breaths you take. But it is instead about how many moments that take your breath away. And this is one of those moments!! Luv ya guys!!!

A meet-up with my gang

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A little something to brighten my day!

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Praying and Counting down...

Praying and at the same time counting down to the 15th of July!!! I do not feel the slightest fear. I have faith in the premiere. I think we are ready, and united as we are, we can battle to our very last breath, and come out unscathed. This will do us all justice! No more invasion. No more soft talks. Now it is all about tough talks and tough actions. May every sacred thing, near or far, shield us all from fear and terror, and bestow upon each of us the strength to defend our very motherland!

Precious Collection 2

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Procrastination

Is it true that the more busy you are, the better you become at managing time? Not necessarily so, I think! However, in my case, this assertion appears to be somehow true. I have to admit that I have always been one of the most "successful" procrastinators on earth. I procrastinate everyday about almost everything with almost everyone. Though I have been fully aware of the disastrous consequences procrastination might bring forth, I still take my time, enjoy myself, indulging in this and that, and finally keep things till the very very last minute! This savage procrastination thing has so far been running through my veins, and therefore, it has almost become an "evil" norm for me. But there was this classmate of mine, Marineth, who approached me one day after school, and remarked, "You are a good procrastinor!" I was amazed at how she could see the beauty in the ugliest of all. Anyway, I am getting less "successful" now with the rotten procrastin

One of the weekly "reunions"

Another Saturday...

This is definitely a very tiring day! My head is heavy, and the visibility is much reduced to blurred vision, no thanks to the the day-long exhaustion. I could barely move my fingers, and at the precise moment in which I am typing this entry, I am at the same time wondering how i am going to endure another half an hour at wheel on my journey homeward. Though I want more than anything to just give it a quick spin back home, I am stuck here at Sovanna as I have no choice but to wait for my mother's arrival. You see, the door is locked, and there is no other alternative than getting the key from her. Anyway, just met up with Paul and the rest. As usually we talked and talked and talked till water was drained out of our body. And after recharging ourselves with ice cream cones, we talked, and laughed again. It has always been good to have Paul around since he is always the ice breaker and the joker as well. Too bad that this time Mo was the only girl since Nory made it clear that she w

Marriage?

I had an interesting conversation with Thy, Mo and Nory the other day. And i think it is worth sharing! What does it mean when you say you are married to someone? I think marriage is more than just the tying of knots between the bride and the groom. It, in fact, involves the merge between--say--two most incompatible families whose subcultures do not share any common grounds. Adapting yourself to an environment that is so alien to you in almost every way is no child's play, especially for husbands who have to seek shelter under the roof of their parents-in-law. First of all the husbands have to be able to strip off their old "suit" reflective of their homegrown ways of living, and slip into a new one that comes with new expectations and rules and regulations. At this point the parents-in-law could not be any more watchful. With every move they make, the husbands are assessed against the criteria already established in line with what are perceived to be right or wrong by th

daughter

I have heard of couples divorcing as a result of their so many differences that could not be bridged. I have heard of children clinging to their father or mother, pleading for a reunion again. But for the first time in my entire life, I have just heard and seen a daughter wanting a divorce for their parents. A daughter who fuels the burning flame every time their parents argue. A daughter who is better at taking sides than at being a mediator. A daughter who has the most despicable guts to insult the very woman who gave birth to her. A daughter who forms an alliance with her mother's enemy. A daughther who is so loathesome in every possible way! People say that she is possessed! And I have to admit there are times I wish it was true! At least that would alter my perception about her wrongdoing. At least that would be an excuse! But I know it too well that she is not. Pangs of nostalgia strike me when I flip through photo albums, the precious collections of our youthful, carefree up

The three celebrities!!!!!!!!!!

My Precious Collection

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A1.10: A birthday party!

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Was offered a piece of cake. I have to admit the cake tasted really good more because it really did than because it was offered with no charge. And seeing them singing the birthday song just brought back those moments when I was in my school uniform clapping and singing to the falling and rising rhythm of the song, the moments when we came up with surprise in-class birthday parties for birthday boys and girls.

Five Simple Questions to Answer...

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Where am I now? What am I doing? Where am I heading next? What do I want most now? How can I get what I want? Maybe when we are lost in the middle of nowhere, we can refer back to these very simple questions to help us back on the right track .

Khyleng's wedding: 24th of May

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:-D beauties and the BEASTS lolz... This is totally classic!!! The couple!!! Me, being squeezed inwards!!!!! walking down the aisle, hand in hand!!! How did it feel like? Khyleng must be over the moon! His speech, though was made in Khmer, still sounded pretty much the same as Chinese. Thy--Koung's alleged TARGET The threesome were indulging themselves though technically they were the ONLY three dancing!

Vietnam Trip 2

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See that protruding thing in there? It marks the border line... This is our bus!! We traveled by our own cars from home, but we all crammed into this bus once we crossed over. And that guy over there was our guide. He was freaking funny! Though Vietnamese by origin, he could sing Khmer damn well lolz.. Sui Tieng, or whatever it is called...The amusement park. Saw a lot of Khmers there. Even saw Tro's brother lolz...What a coincidence!!! 4D experience! The old got young again!!! Family photo:-D It was shot four times before my dad could show off that smile lolz... It was 5 in the morning when I first arrived at Nha Trang! It was a long tedious day...but worth it, after all:-D Er...guess my presence sort of spoilt the scenery, yeah? Having breakfast in front of our hotel at Nha Trang. After using body language to communicate for so long, we realized the waiter could speak English...What the heck!!!

My Trip to Vietnam 15th to 17th of May

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The Underwater World Could you see me in there? An enjoying and thrilling "spin" indeed!! We were those with the guts to take that roller-coaster ride on the background!!!! In the cable car. A 3km ride... Mom and dad getting sweet lolz...

A Surprise

Just managed to talk to one of my close friends via Facebook. I was shocked to realize that he wanted to commit suicide yesterday! If he really had done it, I wouldn't have had a chance to talk to him today. And perhaps never again. I tried to ask him questions to unearth what the motive was. But he was trying to shut me out. Considering the distance between us, I was not surprised. I still assured him I would be there lending an ear should he need someone, though. It was purely familial and personal, according to him. He said it was the toughest and most difficult situation. And I knew it must have been indeed tough and difficult, given the fact that he had always been one of the most determined and perseverant with nerve of steel. Someone I knew would never surrender or give in easily. After talking to him for a while, I guess I could vaguely make out what was behind all the misery. But the last thing I wanted to do was to make wild assumptions. Anyway he claims he is fine now, b

The picture of the day

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At my house

Take Precautions!

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Harry Potter and the Chamber of Khmer Secrets

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I read the paper this morning, and I came across this editorial entitled Harry Potter and the Chamber of Khmer Secrets. Well I was immediately drawn to it the moment my both eyes were laid upon its very headline. Though I had never liked reading the Opinion Section in any newspaper, I was more than willing to give it a go. I was very pleased at the sight of J. K. Rowling in the article. I was under the impression that she was going to pay Cambodia a visit or something. But it was before long that I found out that she had donated the rights of translating the second volume of Harry Potter series, the story of a magical saga of a three teenage students, to Cambodia. What an honour! The translated version is expected to play a part in encouraging the Cambodian kids to take up reading as their habit. Since the story takes the reader's hand into the magical world so perfectly brought to life by J. W. Rowling, it is much anticipated that the kids will be mesmerized by all the flying bro

30/04/09

It is drizzling again. And the sky is occassionally lit up by flashes of lightning. No thanks to the raging thunder, my ears are almost deafened. No doubt, after the rain will come flood and traffic congestion. This is so typical here! Despite knowing that I am at risk of being held in the traffic any minute now, I still cannot resist the temptation to do my blogging here in Staff Room 2. And despite the fact that there is nothing specially worth being talked about today, i still manage to indulge myself in writing this very new entry. Tomorrow is the International Labour Day, and I do not have any plans in mind yet except for the fact that I might call for a meet-up with my friends. Well, Mo suggested going on a tuk-tuk tour around th city, but going cruising seemed more appealing to me. Too bad the plan was called off since Mo claimed it would not be a good idea going out in the river with this chaning weather. So still waiting for any sponatneous plan..

28/04/09

It is so uncomfortable being wrapped in this sweat-stained shirt and having the whole sticky experience. Really need a cool soothing shower! Wish there was a bath tub in the middle of my room so that I could watch TV, take a bath, and do all the lesson planning at the same time. Just left my school though I was supposed to do so a few hours ago. I start to feel that time sort of zooms past you in a flash. One moment you start teaching, and the next moment when you look at your watch, it is 5pm. And it is all about rushing here and there now! As a student, I never bothered to notice how hurried my lecturers always seemed to be. It is only when I become one of them do I realize how hard my legs and feet have to work collaboratively together so that my whole exhausted body could be spinned around. Anyway starting to get the feeling that I am closer to BC 21. I am not sure it is because of their friendliness towards me or the other way around. Given the nature of the subject I have to tea

A Friday Night

It is 8 30 at night now, and i am still stuck at school, no thanks to the bad traffic after the torrential downpour. From the tiny little window that overlooks the pond, I could see the long line of cars inching forward bit by bit. Certainly the drivers must be feeling sick to death! But some people would also be probably enjoying it. Who wouldn't want some long private time with his girlfriend all by themselves in the car? Any fool would not wish to miss such a chance, especially when the rain is still drizzling like this. All they would probably need is just a nice romantic song to set just the right mood. Too bad that I am stuck here! Feeling exhausted to the core already. I am really craving for my soft comfortable bed at this hour. This is the first week at school after the vacation, yet I am feeling absolutely overstretched. This is one of the longest weeks ever remembered! They say time flies when you are enjoying something, and they say time sort of freezes during moments o

Dilemma

Been away for a while, no thanks to the long tedious Khmer New Year break. Classes are resumed once again, and I am dragged back into the life of slavery at IFL once again also. Well, perhaps a little too exaggerated, yeah. But it is true that I am being a little overstretched. Anyway been preoccupied by my cousin's dilemma . I am sure if I were in her shoes I would be feeling as if I were in the tug of war. She has to choose between her boyfriend who is loathed by almost every relative, including me, and a guy she barely knows. I address the "new" guy by Bong since he is as old as my brother, and despite the fact that I have met him in person just once, I could tell that he is way more mature and responsible and polite and...You name it. There is no denying that my cousin's current boyfriend is no match for him. Maybe except for the painful truth that she is too heads over heel in love with that ruthless jerk. And I guess this matters a lot. But what from I perceiv

06/04/09

I am now on a two-week break, but I am not that free, given the six thick stacks of exam paper tucked away somewhere inside my messy room. And I am feeling great about it though it is hard to look for a company nowadays. My friends are knee-deep in work, and there is no way they could possibly sneak out for more than two hours during weekdays. So I end up going to places alone! And it is fun just being on your own doing what you like. At least I have time for myself. What I enjoy doing most now is watching DVDs! I have 20 new DVDs!!! Those were carefully picked. Too bad that blackouts are in and out often, and as a result, I have just managed to finish three movies, The Twilight, Seven Pounds, and Underworld. I LOVE the first two!!! Those are two stories of great self-sacrifice. Though the stories are pretty predictable from the beginning, I still love almost every plot in the movies. I mean, a true love between a "vegetarian" vampire and a normal girl? a well-planned suicide

Talking Vs. Thinking

Sigh...I was browsing through some of my friends' profiles on Facebook, and suddenly it struck me that I had missed out on so many things. And I felt so out of touch with them. Or maybe I was, and I still am. Was it me who made no effort to stay in touch or was it the other way round? Was it my nature? Maybe it was, and I wish people could understand that. Really do!!! I secretly admire people who are born with a flair for simply talking. And I wish I could talk as much. I think a lot about this and that before I spit out a word. Maybe I think too much. And maybe when i think too much, people do not like it. They prefer someone talking out loud. Guess that explains why I have never been the popular one. And it's probably quite depressing to hang out with me.

The Drive on V. Day

This is definitely a moment to remember. Fun and intimate!

The 2nd Grad Day and V. day

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Say hello to our Big Boss, Paul, the rider ( not the ghost rider) That was my treat, guys!lolz... Nice pose. Too bad Thy looked a bit out of place with his sad expression! We are not comparing the skin colour, FY! I love this post! Venue? Hour's car lolz.. Newly-recruited delivery boys and girls! Nice pose!!! it was me asking them to pose that way:-D The red couple I am the king!!!! KTV session!!! felt like an outcast wearing a gown of a different colour Thy and Paul Oh man! I can barely see my face! This cameraman is not so skilled at all! happy the second graduation!!!