That Other Part of Me

Well, in case you haven't noticed, I am actually a government official. Yes, a government official who dreams of owning a pub! Forget about the pub for the time being, though, since this post revolves around my life as a civil servant!

I guess this is probably the first time I open up about that part of my life here. As much as I love the creative side of me that running a pub will feed on, I am deeply rooted in the government background, having the bloodlines working as important people in the government. At one point in my life, I thought being a university lecturer with easy money and less pressure would be able to compensate for the career path down the government-ish lane. It took me about five years of dragging myself to classes every morning and sleeping past midnight because of the papers i had to grade before i was struck with the realisation that I couldn't take the easy way out. I just wasn't meant for that. I was born to be more. I guess people just at one point in their life have that so-called "calling", and yes, that was it! 

So here I am, working in the General Department of Immigration. Anyone in the right mind would be able to tell it is not easy for me to adapt to the politics of the system. The ass-wiping culture. The corruption. The stinky teamwork spirit. And the list goes on. The sensitive Vendy from three years ago wouldn't have lasted a month in the system, but with this inexhaustible positivity I have been having, I have managed to gain my momentum pretty quickly, and before I knew it, I have become almost everyone's favourite boss. Yes, boss! Technically, I am a Deputy, and it's a "shame" to admit I have powers over my subordinates. What sets me apart from the Head (the biggest boss) is my attitude at work. I don't just sit at the desk, ordering people to do works that they already know too well, pretending I know more than they do. I pretty much do almost everything I can without judging whether the tasks would be more fitting for this subordinate or that. I could proudly say I amount to the combined work force of three people. This culminates in some mental comparison between the biggest boss and me that they do, and obviously, they like someone who does the actual quality works and helps them out with their own tasks--me. 

You see, I am the youngest at work, the only single guy, and the most polite (I know it sounds so much like I'm sugarcoating everything). They, on the other hand, are in their 40s with children and diseases. They are lazy. They are sleepy. They are not motivated. And they mostly enjoy small talks, which center around sex. This could possibly sound like anybody's nightmare! But again, the positivity in my head shields me from being infected in this environment, and obviously reminds me of the sole reason why I am here in the first place. I WANT TO BE THE HEAD. 

Say hello to the ambitious Vendy! Yes, I have to admit that I am an ambitious person. Remember the story between the two foxes living inside the body of a human? The question is: which of the two wins, the bad or the good? The answer is: whichever fox you feed more will win. I guess what I am trying to say is over the past 5 years as a lecturer, that ambitious fox inside me is skinny and starved, while the  two foxes--one chasing after love and the other clinging onto friends--take over. I cared TOO much about love and friendship, and neglected the pursuit of my ambition. Now that I neither have love or friendship (I still have a few true, super awesome friends), I feed the ambitious fox. This explains the idea behind the pub, and this desire to be the head. 

Admittedly and shamefully, I have strong and great networks at work. I know some of you might cringe at this knowledge, but in my defence, i'm pretty sure people would do the same or worse if they were in my my shoes. Between the position that I desire and me stand two people who decide my fate, both of whom are related to me. Are you appalled right now? I know it sounds ridiculous, but here is the plot twist: I have no idea whether they would be willing to promote me despite my hard work and everything, for fear rumours about nepotism and about my age would spread around like wild fire. Now you probably understand why I have to win the hearts of those subordinates! I want them to feel that I deserve it, and I indeed have what it takes to be a greater leader despite my age!

I feel compelled to let everything out here because I wanna get rid of that fear of rejection in my head. I am planning to take the plunge after the 8th of August. And for those of you who are friends with me on Facebook, you know I am such a believer of Fenghui, and according to the Fengshui, August is my lucky charm. I am going to pluck up my courage, lay it all out, and get it done. Whatever happens after that is totally out of my control. I am hoping for the very best, but also preparing for the worst. Wish me luck, peeps!