Close

I have close friends. You do have close friends. In fact, we all have close friends. But then has anyone ever paused to give enough thoughts to what constitutes a "close" friend? Perhaps at some point in life, this question might cross your mind, especially in the face of contrasting notions that you and your "close" friends hold onto, when a discussion about certain expectations that "close" friends need to live up to surfaces.

How much care does a friend need from a "close" friend to feel being cared for? To be "close" to a friend, is it really a must that you have to be literally there all the time? Or does it hold true that all that is needed is mere emotional support from the distance? Perhaps we cling onto different self-drawn pictures of what "close" friends should be. And this probably explains why "close" friends may come in all shapes and sizes which are molded according to our preferences before being tagged with respective expectations. In cases where your expectations about certain things a "close" friend should do are not met, misunderstandings arise, and it all starts with these tiny little cracks like that, which could really bring down a whole concrete looming building of friendship.

A close friend, to me, should always be there for me, emotionally, though more preferably physically. A close friend should be willing to share with me, and should be someone I feel at ease sharing with without having to worry about the side effects. A close friend should be someone who is as less judgemental as possible, someone who accepts my flaws with a smile. A close friend should be someone who sees no beneficial gains in me. A close friend is someone who says things about me in the same way both in my presence and absence. A close friend is someone I can dirty-talk with, someone with whom I do not have to watch my language. A close friend is someone I am willing to tease for sheer pleasure of the person being teased himself and of mine. A close friend is someone who uses my bathroom...

(There are other expectations that have not occurred to me yet!)

Judgemental

I am starting to feel this great dislike welling up in my chest. I am starting to feel that ****** is becoming more judgemental than ****** already is. And I am starting to feel I cannot be that close to ****** ever again. Despite my internal struggle to dimiss the thought, the feeling of dislike comes in two-fold. Is it just me or the others are feeling the same way too? I wish I could be less analytical when it comes to making certain inferences. Words are meant to be used to serve certain purposes as desired by the speakers or the writers. And when some of them are combined together, they convey more than just the superficial layer of the meaning. The tone is something that should be dealt carefully with. And in my case, I could discern using my senses the I-am-better-than-you kind of tone. The last thing I ever want is being judged by someone I trust, and that hurts to the core! Why can't ***** be more humble? Or is ****** genetically programmed to say harsh words without first scanning to see whether those words are "hurt-free"? For God's sake, I know where I am heading for, and I am best by being "me".

Paul in Siem Reap

Paul departed for Siem Reap a couple of days ago, and I just cannot help but find myself rapt in thoughts about what those many Saturdays to come will be like without his presence. Of course, it is true that Siem Reap is just one phone call away and that it is just a 6-hour drive from Phnom Penh. But this realization does little, if any, to lift off the weight on my chest. Without him, our gang shrinks even further, leaving behind only three regular members. Three. Or perhaps five, at most. I hate this number! I am anything but looking forward to those meet-ups when we sit slumped in our seats being drowned in the reverberating silence in his absence.

Paul has always been a big laugh, given his natural flair for his verbal articulation spiced up with a sprinkle of dirtiness. Oftentimes we laugh so hard at his jokes that we get stitches. And speaking of this, I could almost vividly see the bewildered looks on Nory's and Mo's faces, who always fall victims of Paul's "deep" applied linguistics jokes. And yeah, Tha makes a perfect couple with Paul. Not in the romantic way, though(lolz..), but in the "ball" game, and I think to date, Nory is still clueless as to what we mean by that (lolz).

Anyway, Paul does share with me. Mostly it is about something that comes from his innermost feelings, and that is how we get even closer. As far as my head can remember, during the "break-up season", a critical transitional period when most of my friends found themselves trapped in love-inflicted pain, he texted me almost every night sharing his sadness. And believe it or not, I could feel sheer magic when I saw him come back to life once again appearing unscathed in its aftermath. What he had been through must be a hell of a struggle! And now that he is working in Siem Reap, I start to doubt whether he can possibly draw a line between his now and his used-to-be. All I can do is to wish him luck, and hopefully he will not let the old haunting memory in Siem Reap eat away at his fresh newly-grown heart ever.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Love is everywhere, folks! You could almost literally feel it, see it, smell it and virtually touch it. Well, it is just at your fingertips. Reach out and you'll be loved! One piece of advice from me: love back the ones who love you--though you do not necessarily love them the way they want you to. And continue to show love to and care for the ones who deserve being loved and cared for. But then there are cases when your friends, especially those you want to hear most from, happen to forget to text you or give you a call to say a few wishing words. In those cases, that does not mean they care for you any less than the rest!

MILLIONS THANKS GO TO THOSE WHO REMEMBER MY BIRTHDAY AND WHO HAVE MANAGED TO WISH ME IN A TEXTUAL OR VERBAL OR WHATEVER FORM!!

From Hour:

Happy birthday to u dude. May u be showered with love, success n happiness.

From Oudom n leak:

Happy birthday! Wish you good luck, health, a lot of money, happy all day n something you wish please come to u from now.

From my students in A3.1:

Happy birthday! May all ur wishes come true. N i'd like to say happy valentine's day.

Gd morning, sir! @day is valentine's day, bt it's also ur brithday, right? So i'd like to send my respect to u by wishing best of the best happen to u, gd luck, healthy,n wealthy. Oh! Handsome also. Chao!

Happy birthday to teacher. I wish you gain more luck and healthier.

Happy birthday to you teacher in every language!!

From Paul:

Happy birthday dude! Wish you all the best with happiness, love, prosperity, successful and healthy through the year!

From Vattey:

They love you but they are not your lover...
They care for you but they are not your family...
THey are ready to share your pain but they are not blood-related to you...
They are...friends!
True friend scolds like a dad!
Cares like a mom!
Teases like a sister!
Irritates like a brother!
And finally loves you more than a lover!
Happy Birthday!

From pheara:

Happy birthday, bong vendy!

From Molie:

Morning with a wish of a very happy birthday to you!! Enjoy life, ven!

From Stephen:

Happy Birthday!

Reflection on the trip

I got back from Preah Sihanouk Province a few days ago, and needless to say, the trip was pretty much as expected--though vastly different lolz...(CRAP!!) Well, though there were just the six of us, it was by no means less fun. We crammed into just one hotel room. "Crammed" more or less has a sense of something small, so probably this word should not be opted for use in the first place. The biggest problem was with the little, tiny, space-deprived bathroom. I mean, of course there was no way possible the bathroom could hold us all in at the same time, so we had to torturously wait for our turns. I really meant "torturously" because some of us really had to hold "it", you know...lolz...

Anyway, the swimming part was not that exciting though Thy put on quite a show in the middle of the sea, a really lovely treat for ladies swimming nearby. And Mo and Nory were like, "Hell no! Put those back on!" lolz...Well, speaking of the food, man, we kept tucking in almost whatever food that came by. And the last appetizers we had were some pieces of cake and a glass of grape juice, which we devoured at around 11 something at night lolz...You see, Hour, Nory and Mo had planned a surprise one-for-three birthday party for Paul, Thy and me since we were all Feb boys, but it turned out that we figured what they had been up to before the celebration, no thanks to Nory, who let the cat out of the bag while she was too busy talking sweetly with Tro over the phone.

Finally it came to the most exciting part where we poured our hearts out. Though it was by then past 12 already we felt wide awake and sober, and we continued our heart-to-heart till three something in the morning the next day. It was only brought to a halt when Tha gave us a call from the States. Thanks to the discussion, one really important truth was unveiled, and though some were quite not so prepared to let it sink in at first, we eventually grappled with it and managed to share some pieces of advice. I was so glad I went on the trip in the first place, or I would not have found out something that matters so much to my friend!

A gift from Pheaktra

Thank you, Pheaktra, for such a lovely picture and words of blessings. Indeed I think I am so blessed to have you as my junior in the first place:-D

V-day

I was sharing the table with **** this morning. Well I do not know how it happened exactly, but after some good minutes of discussing about discipline problems at school, we found ourselves engaged in this conversation about the Valentine's Day. He seemed to be holding a pretty conservative stance. Though I appeared to be nodding my head in agreement, I was, in fact, quite supportive of the idea of celebrating the Valentine's Day. I have to admit that I like the Valentine's Day, partly because it is my birthday, yeah, but there is much more to it than that. Believe it or not, I could feel love when I happen to see people strolling around with happy expression on their faces. I could feel love, really, in the air.

On that day every year, with every corner I turn to, I see people holding flowers or gifts symbolic of their love. I am not quite interested in those flowers and gifts, though. What I have always been mesmerized by is, nonetheless, the emotions of love that seem to magically spring into life. If there is something as magical, this should be it! And I think I am one of the luckiest! Most people spend their time with only their boyfriend or girlfriend, but as for me, I am warmed at heart by the presence of my family, friends and relatives. :-D