The word "But"
Part I
I was pressing her number, one digit after another. Just press the “yes” button and you’ll be able to reveal your deep affection to her, I was urging myself. Just as I was about to succumb to the temptation, out of nowhere a sudden upsurge of fear of being rejected popped up in the very pit of my stomach. I withdrew my finger and sighed, gazing longingly at the glowing crescent for help. If only the moon could understand and talk, I thought. With another long sigh denoting my profound disillusionment, I opened the drawer, placed my phone in it, scrambled onto the soft, comforting bed, and slipped under the warm blanket.
An hour had already passed. The only sound in my room came from the continuous ticking of the round-shaped clock that had just struck twelve. I was so preoccupied with whether to make my love confession to her that I was still wide awake, allowing a slew of questions to flash through my mind. Should I let her know that I like her? But what if she rejects me? And what if she stops talking to me after that? After all, she is gorgeous, rich and smart. She wouldn’t want to lay her eyes on me. But, who knows? What if she happens to like me too? In that case, confessing to her now is like giving her a chance to pour her innermost affection out to me too.
With a jovial smile painted across my lips, I lunged at the desk at the foot of my bed, opened the drawer, rummaged for my phone, and when found, took it out. I then started dialing the number, one digit after another, and press “yes”…
Part 2
Nervousness engulfed me. I was racking my brain to think of how to begin, and suddenly I heard her soft, sweet voice.
“Hello?”
I took a big gulp and summoned all of my might to sound as casual as possible, but my quaking voice betrayed me.
“Hey, I…it’s…arh….”
She butted in even before I was able to finish off my sentence.
“Vanny?! Is that you? You sound quite shaky! Is everything alright?”
I could visualize her frowning with concern on the other side, as I attempted to think of how to respond.
“Vanny? You there?”
I cleared my throat.
“Yea…yeah…hmm…honestly, this is so awkward!”
Again, I could see her rubbing her chin and frowning in perplexity.
“Listen, I can’t sleep without telling you this! You know, it has been three years already. I…I have been…IN LOVE with you for three years already.”
I could almost feel her shock sinking in. There was a pause. For the first time ever, I felt so scared, so stupid, and so empty. Oh God! I should not have said that to her. I should not have rung her up at all. I was struck with great remorse. I resumed my thoughts as I heard her voice again, this time with a tone of seriousness and hesitation.
“It’s so sweet of you to have said that. And thank you so much for your love for me. It means so much to me. But, it’s….”
I knew what it would mean when she said “but”, and it came to me as a devastating blow, piercing through my flesh right towards my heart. I would be rejected, I knew! Then I tried to sound as “cool” as my voice could pretend to.
“Well, I knew it! Guess we’ll be better off being friends.”There was another pause. This time, I thought I heard weeping! No, no! Vanny, you must be fantasizing again, I told myself.
“Good that you knew it! Listen, I feel so drowsy and kinda worn out, and I just wanna rest. Good night, Vanny!”
Part 3
Days drew into nights. Before I knew it, two years had already ticked away since the last time I ever heard her voice that night. Within this period of time, never an hour had passed without my thinking of her. Never an hour had passed without my longing to touch her face. Never an hour had passed without my yearning to hear her voice. And each time, it was pain. Excruciating pain. It had then dawned upon me that the only way to wriggle out of all the sufferings was to detach myself as far as possible from the “world” she was settling in. I changed my phone number. I changed my email address. I dumped any tangible items that were in some way related to her in a carton box, sealed it and left it in the attic. So there was no trace of her. Not in my room. Not in my house. But still in my mind. Probably it was too late. Too late to rub out her vivid image that had taken root so firmly in me. It was not until one sunny day that my life was altered completely.
Special Discount! Buy Two Get One FREE! Each costs ONLY $1.50. Next to this signboard was a big heap of books over which people were hovering just like hawks eying on the chosen preys. Good price, I thought. As I squeezed my way through, I found myself stuck in between two fleshy ladies who were throwing back one book after another. I tried to free myself, but to no avail. So I stay put, and began searching novels by Nicholas Sparks.
All of a sudden, I heard a familiar female voice, “Yes! Nicholas Sparks! Finally!”
I withdrew my gaze from the pile of books and searched for the source of voice.
“Hey, Vanny!” Clutching the book in one hand as if it had been the trophy, the girl waved her other hand at me with a loving beam. I smiled back.
Part 4
It was a sunny day. It was the day that I would never forget. It was the day that changed my life forever. It was the 14th of February, 2004!
I was standing on a hilltop under one big tree. I had no idea why Nita had asked me to come here. I just had a hunch that there was something that she really wanted to tell me. Or probably it was just a hunch, after all! Nita was scrutinizing the tree, running her soft-skinned hand on the rough, rugged surface of the tree. After a long moment that seemed like an eternity, for the first time, she noticed me and turned in the direction of where I was standing. Her face stretched into a smile. A forced smile. I still could not figure out what this whole thing was all about. Why here on Valentine’s day? What about the tree? Why did she look so sad? She read my mind before I even asked her.
“Well, this place means a lot me. And maybe…just maybe…it means a lot to you too.”
I frowned trying to make sense out of her utterances.
“Listen, Nita, I have never been here before. How can it possibly mean anything to me?”
Nita smiled again.
“OK! Guess you’ll find out soon.”
She squatted down, looked around and started digging the hard earth with a stone she had found. I was eyeing her with confusion, but my instinct told me that whatever hidden there must be holding the key to all the mystery. Without further ado, I squatted down beside her and began digging with another stone. All smudged by the dirt, we came to an abrupt halt. A bottle. A letter in a bottle! I took the bottle out of the hole, removed the cap and withdrew the letter from the bottle. I cast a glance at Nita with obvious perplexity itched in my face. She smiled again and nodded urging me to read through the letter. And the letter read:
Dear Vanny,
How is everything? I guess it’s fine? By the way, how long has it been since the last time we ever talked? Oh yeah…the last time was that night, right? You know, the night you confessed your love to me! Lol…to tell you the truth, I was kinda shocked at first—you know—given the fact that you are always a shy guy in class. A brainiac, in fact! Very funny…lol! Actually, I knew it before you even confessed to me. You always stole a glance at me. While I was writing. While I was doing presentation. And yeah…remember that time? You know, when we were the only ones in class? We were too early then! I remember seeing you pretending to read this book—hmm…by Nicholas Sparks, am I right?. I bet you were kinda nervous lol…I couldn’t help laughing, you know!
Anyway, that night you asked me, you said you knew it, remember? Did you really know it? Sigh…you know what? I guess I was about to say “yes”. Seriously! I mean, you are always a brainiac—nobody can deny that. And forgive me for saying this. I think you are not the kind of guy many girls—you know—fall for because you don’t have the athletic qualities. But I don’t know why…I mean, I like you a lot! Maybe you didn’t notice that I always looked at you while you were doing the presentation too (Oh God! This is embarrassing!). I love you, Vanny. But maybe we are not destined to be together. Before I was able to tell you how I felt, I…I knew that I had CANCER already. Come on…you’re not crying, are you? Lol…well, actually, our friends have been trying to find you…bet you must have changed your number! Nita is one of those who is trying to find you…She wants you to see me for the last time before I leave—for good, maybe..sigh…Anyway, Vanny, don’t be sad when you are reading this! I don’t mean to hurt you or anything…I just want you to know that I LOVED you, I am LOVING you and WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU…All the bestJ
Bopha
The girl who loves you
14/02/2001
Oh God! I almost fainted! My hands were shaking. My knees turned to jellies. I looked up at Nita who was wiping her tears. I was at a complete loss for words to say. How can this be happening to me? I felt my energy was being drained out of my entire body. Nita tried with all her might to say something.
“Sh..sh..shee planted this tree bef…fore she died, and sh..she buried the letter and the bottle here, for you!”
I looked at the tree, the bottle, the letter and then the tree again. If only I had not assumed what the word “but” would mean…
I was pressing her number, one digit after another. Just press the “yes” button and you’ll be able to reveal your deep affection to her, I was urging myself. Just as I was about to succumb to the temptation, out of nowhere a sudden upsurge of fear of being rejected popped up in the very pit of my stomach. I withdrew my finger and sighed, gazing longingly at the glowing crescent for help. If only the moon could understand and talk, I thought. With another long sigh denoting my profound disillusionment, I opened the drawer, placed my phone in it, scrambled onto the soft, comforting bed, and slipped under the warm blanket.
An hour had already passed. The only sound in my room came from the continuous ticking of the round-shaped clock that had just struck twelve. I was so preoccupied with whether to make my love confession to her that I was still wide awake, allowing a slew of questions to flash through my mind. Should I let her know that I like her? But what if she rejects me? And what if she stops talking to me after that? After all, she is gorgeous, rich and smart. She wouldn’t want to lay her eyes on me. But, who knows? What if she happens to like me too? In that case, confessing to her now is like giving her a chance to pour her innermost affection out to me too.
With a jovial smile painted across my lips, I lunged at the desk at the foot of my bed, opened the drawer, rummaged for my phone, and when found, took it out. I then started dialing the number, one digit after another, and press “yes”…
Part 2
Nervousness engulfed me. I was racking my brain to think of how to begin, and suddenly I heard her soft, sweet voice.
“Hello?”
I took a big gulp and summoned all of my might to sound as casual as possible, but my quaking voice betrayed me.
“Hey, I…it’s…arh….”
She butted in even before I was able to finish off my sentence.
“Vanny?! Is that you? You sound quite shaky! Is everything alright?”
I could visualize her frowning with concern on the other side, as I attempted to think of how to respond.
“Vanny? You there?”
I cleared my throat.
“Yea…yeah…hmm…honestly, this is so awkward!”
Again, I could see her rubbing her chin and frowning in perplexity.
“Listen, I can’t sleep without telling you this! You know, it has been three years already. I…I have been…IN LOVE with you for three years already.”
I could almost feel her shock sinking in. There was a pause. For the first time ever, I felt so scared, so stupid, and so empty. Oh God! I should not have said that to her. I should not have rung her up at all. I was struck with great remorse. I resumed my thoughts as I heard her voice again, this time with a tone of seriousness and hesitation.
“It’s so sweet of you to have said that. And thank you so much for your love for me. It means so much to me. But, it’s….”
I knew what it would mean when she said “but”, and it came to me as a devastating blow, piercing through my flesh right towards my heart. I would be rejected, I knew! Then I tried to sound as “cool” as my voice could pretend to.
“Well, I knew it! Guess we’ll be better off being friends.”There was another pause. This time, I thought I heard weeping! No, no! Vanny, you must be fantasizing again, I told myself.
“Good that you knew it! Listen, I feel so drowsy and kinda worn out, and I just wanna rest. Good night, Vanny!”
Part 3
Days drew into nights. Before I knew it, two years had already ticked away since the last time I ever heard her voice that night. Within this period of time, never an hour had passed without my thinking of her. Never an hour had passed without my longing to touch her face. Never an hour had passed without my yearning to hear her voice. And each time, it was pain. Excruciating pain. It had then dawned upon me that the only way to wriggle out of all the sufferings was to detach myself as far as possible from the “world” she was settling in. I changed my phone number. I changed my email address. I dumped any tangible items that were in some way related to her in a carton box, sealed it and left it in the attic. So there was no trace of her. Not in my room. Not in my house. But still in my mind. Probably it was too late. Too late to rub out her vivid image that had taken root so firmly in me. It was not until one sunny day that my life was altered completely.
Special Discount! Buy Two Get One FREE! Each costs ONLY $1.50. Next to this signboard was a big heap of books over which people were hovering just like hawks eying on the chosen preys. Good price, I thought. As I squeezed my way through, I found myself stuck in between two fleshy ladies who were throwing back one book after another. I tried to free myself, but to no avail. So I stay put, and began searching novels by Nicholas Sparks.
All of a sudden, I heard a familiar female voice, “Yes! Nicholas Sparks! Finally!”
I withdrew my gaze from the pile of books and searched for the source of voice.
“Hey, Vanny!” Clutching the book in one hand as if it had been the trophy, the girl waved her other hand at me with a loving beam. I smiled back.
Part 4
It was a sunny day. It was the day that I would never forget. It was the day that changed my life forever. It was the 14th of February, 2004!
I was standing on a hilltop under one big tree. I had no idea why Nita had asked me to come here. I just had a hunch that there was something that she really wanted to tell me. Or probably it was just a hunch, after all! Nita was scrutinizing the tree, running her soft-skinned hand on the rough, rugged surface of the tree. After a long moment that seemed like an eternity, for the first time, she noticed me and turned in the direction of where I was standing. Her face stretched into a smile. A forced smile. I still could not figure out what this whole thing was all about. Why here on Valentine’s day? What about the tree? Why did she look so sad? She read my mind before I even asked her.
“Well, this place means a lot me. And maybe…just maybe…it means a lot to you too.”
I frowned trying to make sense out of her utterances.
“Listen, Nita, I have never been here before. How can it possibly mean anything to me?”
Nita smiled again.
“OK! Guess you’ll find out soon.”
She squatted down, looked around and started digging the hard earth with a stone she had found. I was eyeing her with confusion, but my instinct told me that whatever hidden there must be holding the key to all the mystery. Without further ado, I squatted down beside her and began digging with another stone. All smudged by the dirt, we came to an abrupt halt. A bottle. A letter in a bottle! I took the bottle out of the hole, removed the cap and withdrew the letter from the bottle. I cast a glance at Nita with obvious perplexity itched in my face. She smiled again and nodded urging me to read through the letter. And the letter read:
Dear Vanny,
How is everything? I guess it’s fine? By the way, how long has it been since the last time we ever talked? Oh yeah…the last time was that night, right? You know, the night you confessed your love to me! Lol…to tell you the truth, I was kinda shocked at first—you know—given the fact that you are always a shy guy in class. A brainiac, in fact! Very funny…lol! Actually, I knew it before you even confessed to me. You always stole a glance at me. While I was writing. While I was doing presentation. And yeah…remember that time? You know, when we were the only ones in class? We were too early then! I remember seeing you pretending to read this book—hmm…by Nicholas Sparks, am I right?. I bet you were kinda nervous lol…I couldn’t help laughing, you know!
Anyway, that night you asked me, you said you knew it, remember? Did you really know it? Sigh…you know what? I guess I was about to say “yes”. Seriously! I mean, you are always a brainiac—nobody can deny that. And forgive me for saying this. I think you are not the kind of guy many girls—you know—fall for because you don’t have the athletic qualities. But I don’t know why…I mean, I like you a lot! Maybe you didn’t notice that I always looked at you while you were doing the presentation too (Oh God! This is embarrassing!). I love you, Vanny. But maybe we are not destined to be together. Before I was able to tell you how I felt, I…I knew that I had CANCER already. Come on…you’re not crying, are you? Lol…well, actually, our friends have been trying to find you…bet you must have changed your number! Nita is one of those who is trying to find you…She wants you to see me for the last time before I leave—for good, maybe..sigh…Anyway, Vanny, don’t be sad when you are reading this! I don’t mean to hurt you or anything…I just want you to know that I LOVED you, I am LOVING you and WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU…All the bestJ
Bopha
The girl who loves you
14/02/2001
Oh God! I almost fainted! My hands were shaking. My knees turned to jellies. I looked up at Nita who was wiping her tears. I was at a complete loss for words to say. How can this be happening to me? I felt my energy was being drained out of my entire body. Nita tried with all her might to say something.
“Sh..sh..shee planted this tree bef…fore she died, and sh..she buried the letter and the bottle here, for you!”
I looked at the tree, the bottle, the letter and then the tree again. If only I had not assumed what the word “but” would mean…
Comments
To PM, i'll finish it off right after i'm done with FE test...just be patient...
To Pheaktra, hey, it's so good to see you here, and thanks for dropping by :-)...sorry for not telling you that i've created a blog...anyway, it's not based on my own story for sure heheh...just imagination...hehe
By the way, it's a good piece of writing you posted here. So sad. Tell you what? The moment i was reading part I, I could guess Bopha was gonna tell Vanny that she actually loves him too at the end of the story. You gave this clue when Vanny heard a sound of weeping.
Hehe...I know Vanny represents you, Ven, according to his characteristics and emotions. It would be even greater if you write your true story. I like reading true story.
Anyway, yeah you are right! I intended to let readers know by dropping a clue there..and you guys must have been wondering as you were reading what was preventing her from spitting out the truth...hehe...Vanny?Me?Hehehe...you're right about the emtions part! Of course as a writer, i am supposed to put myself in his shoes, ain't i?hehe...
hey, ice...of course..usually a novelist bases more on the real stories with just some changes...