07/05/08

Well, today definitely is not an eventful day. I was virtually bored to death by those long-winded explanations by our lecturers. Apparently those concepts they were going over again and again and again were not that abstract; we were able to make the heads and tails of them all. But they made such a fuss as if those fact-based concepts had been beyond our capability to grasp or something. I am positive that everyone was feeling the same way, but they probably felt obliged to maintain eye contact with the lecturers for the sake of paying some respect to them. Well, I did look them straight in the eyes too, but at times I cast furtive glances at my watch, watching it would tick faster.

Anyway, after class, You-Know-Who, Tha, Tro and I were so engrossed in our discussion about love that we totally lost track of time. You-Know-Who was the center of attention, of course, since the conversation was mainly about his love problem and how he had made up his mind to grapple with his situation. Well, he sounded hopeful! In fact, he made it sound very hopeful, and we were less worried now that he knew what path he was to walk on and what was his final destination. However, it suddenly made feel like a jerk for being stuck at where i had been for so long. I was questioning myself why i had been there in the first place, why i couldn't have just moved on too. And thanks to Tha, I knew that I had been too scared to come to terms with the painful truth. I had been too scared about letting go. There had been a flame of hope, but it was not there anymore. It suddenly and, quite irrationally, made feel like a loser. For these years, i had been keeping myself busy, being too scared to face the truth, and now when i looked at everything, there was nothing left. Sigh.....